Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Zen & the Art of Negotiating with Pyschos
The Los Angeles police department had 10,000 active officers and about 5,000 more in reserve. It had numerous airships, planes, and small tanks. It had swat teams and canine forces. It had a larger active force then 2/3s of the world’s armies.
And if you were to have them face ‘Mazing Girl, her versus them, you would put money on her. Yeah, possibly they could get a lucky shot, but not likely. They simply didn’t have the necessary firepower.
If you added all the other police in southern California, all of the National Guard, hell, put in the seal teams based in San Diego - again you’d probably bet on her.
It was kind of a sobering thought really for Sarah Jennings, who secretly was ‘Mazing Girl. All that was really stopping her in the world was her own sense of right and wrong, her own innate goodness. Her own responsibility.
And she was a person who watched the first season of Jersey Shore. Voluntarily. She stopped a couple episodes into the second, as once the meatheads were in on the jokes it wasn’t as funny, but yeah. This was the kind of mind they dealt with. It terrified her.
But Sarah was a good person, and she did take her duties to humanity seriously. Her job was to help the police. Not if they became, like say, the army of Paraguay which overran and took over the country or something, but help them in their day to day ‘protect the city’ functions.
Which she was doing today. She was participating in a joint training exercise -her and the police together. They were going to respond to a simulated emergency so the police would know how to use her, and she would know how to help them. Useful in all regards.
Sarah arrived early to the large conference centre near the police academy that the first part of the day. She would participate in a kind of speech they called it - kind of a conference of LAPD personal. It was supposed to start at 9:00, she arrived at 8:00. Sarah was used to working in movies and arriving on set at 5:00 am.
However, sets usually had donuts waiting. Not here. There wasn't really a green room.
It should be pointed she rarely ever had a donut, as it could sit in her stomach, but she liked the idea of donuts. Ahh, well.
There was a woman with a clipboard.
"Oh wow!" the lady cop said. "You’re here early. This is really amazing...like, I get to meet you!"
Sarah smiled at her as she checked her name - or well, her secret identiy...or well, whatever.
It was the thing with cops. Yeah, just about all of them were amazed to see her. She had posed for a lot of photographs, shaken a lot of hands, even signed a few autographs. If you guess right, there were assholes: especially when she was alone with them - but well, for her own troubles with the world she rarely saw it in beat cops. She had never really met Sgt. Bullocks from Batman. They were never that colorful.
However, she had met Commissioner Gordon. Or Francis, as he really was. He was...not what you’d expect. She had met the Mayor, and met the Police Commissioner, and while you couldn't say they should be switched - yeah, that’s not the wrong word.
He walked over and shook her hand, walking in around 8:30.
"Hey! Are you happy here? They treating you right?"
"Yeah," said Sarah "If I can talk a little bit with the guys running this before hand want to get a little bit more..."
"No problem."
That was a frequent saying of the guy, all in a thick Philly accent. He had spent most of his career in administration in the Philadelphia Police Department - during which time he had never actually arrested anyone out in the field. Whenever she dealt with a villain’s threats to the city-she never seemed to actually meet him or have him be actually involved. Instead...
He snapped his fingers at a cop. "Take care of her."
"You don't have to do that."
"No problem," and then he wandered off.
It was odd to see a uniformed police officer be snapped at. To see the younger man race over. The room was starting to fill up with cops and that looked odd too, hundreds of them together. It felt odd to wear her costume - but it was the same thing really.
Occasionally criminals would call her 'cop', 'copper’ or 'pig' (she hoped that was a police reference and not a joke about her weight). Of course, Sarah wasn't a cop. She was an amateur. She wondered about it occasionally, especially at moments like this - 1800 cops; a full day - that was probably costing at least a 100k. Built around her. She did know that they had 3 people in their S division whose job was, well, to make more money out of this then she did. She felt a bit like a college athlete, playing bochie ball or something stupid like that (she hated sports, so that may have been a bad analogy) risking devastating...bochie injuries. To throwing arm. Except they had the chance to go pro afterwards. Except there was no such thing as pro bochie ball. Okay it was a pretty crummy analogy.
She had thought, on occasion, about working for the government - either local or federal. Ahh, she probably would have gone mad, either with power, boredom, or rag...possibly all three at once. It was good just to be herself, even if she had to schedule these things for a mini hiatus when their main actor was on a press tour for a movie that he wasn't actually staring in.
But as the room filed, and some of the braver cops came forward to shake her hand, she thought about it.
*********
"So yes, I operate on a basic rule of engagement that’s different then yours - I do not kill criminals under any circumstance."
A hand went up.
"I have been curious about this...and I hope this isn't a bad question...”
"There are no bad questions today" said the be glassed moderation
"So, yeah, why don't you?"
"Well, I’m not under any direct threat, so..."
"But what about other people? Civilians? What if killing someone is the only way of stopping them from detonating a bomb or pulling a trigger?"
"Well, I feel escalating the situation is never a good idea. And in every case, it’s never come to that."
"For you. What about hostage situations?"
Another officer spoke up. "Do you look down on us for using guns? I mean, I have shot two perps. Cleared for both."
"What if..." interrupted a third voice, "you were on the raid to take out Osama bin Ladden?"
These were all very good questions.
"Look, I think my job is to kind of shine a light on the world, to show it can be a better place."
Wow that was so the wrong answer for this crowd.
"We all have a job. Mine is different. I respect your job in all of its elements, it’s a different job but no better then mine. And no, I wouldn't have killed Osama Bin Ladden."
Well, she was getting on her real liberal high horse. Should she tell them her opinions on socialized medicine? She was glad her uncle back in Florida didn't know about her double life.
The moderator stepped in. "The point of today’s lecture is how to incorporate her abilities into your tactics. We all agree that guns are the last step in any encounter. Her strengths can be useful in defusing situations."
There were parts of the crowd that where looking a little pissed. So not really.
"I will defend - I mean How quickly could you kill everyone in this room? It’s good that you have a desc..."
"46 seconds."
It was the kind of joke that really worked a little better or worse depending on her delivery. It did not play well today.
********
After a long lecture that was fairly dry and a couple of dumb demonstrations (yes she could bend a medal bar; Yes after the hundredth time, it was getting a little boring) they went outside.
A group of cops were to simulate a hostage situation. She was to work with four teams outside in succession to defuse the situation.
There would be a debriefing afterwards. But no Donuts .
It was a tricky situation for her. Bullets could be simulated. Her punches, not so much. No, she didn't kill people...but while she tried not to, she had put people in the hospital and she had done a fair amount of damage to property.
A lot less then she could have, all told. Superman in the comics once gave a speech about how he lived in a world of cardboard. Badass when you’re talking to Darksied, but she wasn't talking to either a blatant rip-off of Darth Vader, or someone who Darth Vader was a blatant rip-off of. She forgot. And she did live in a world of cardboard. Hell, 99% of the time as ‘Mazing Girl she used 1 -2% percent of her power. And not just when she dealing with scientologists. It would have taken a bar of diamond-infused tungsten steal for her to break a sweat - and probably a fairly light sweat even then.
Yeah, well it scared her. But Sarah never got into "Here comes Honey Boo Boo" so the Earth was kind of safe.
The ‘kidnappers’ were inside a small building, used usually by the police academy as a classroom, with a group of simulated hostages. She met with a captain.
"Let’s be careful. Let’s form a good perimeter around it, don't let them escape and don't give them any room. ‘Mazing girl: Use your X-ray vision."
"As I told the group, I don't actually have X-ray vision. Which is a registered trademark of DC comics and Warner Communications."
"Just testing you. Charles: let’s get heat vision and sonar tests of the room.”
Soon a perimeter was formed and it was determined there were 20 hostages and 5 hostage-takers in the building.
"Get snipers in position," ordered the captain.
"So, what am I going to do? Use me," urged ‘Mazing Girl.
"HEY!" a loudspeaker called from within the building. "Is amazing bitch with you?"
Sarah sighed. She took a loudspeaker, walked forward beyond a barricade that had been formed a cop held her back but.
"Yeah. I am walking forward so you can see me. Don't interpret it as a threat. Shoot me if you want...you know that won't end well."
Sarah walked 40 feet forward into an open position...and she felt a paintball hit her right breast. It jiggled a lot.
"You just did that to provoke a reaction."
"What are you going to do, Wonder Woman?"
Okay, he was really inviting a lawsuit here. And she recognized the voice.
"Oh, its you," observed ‘Mazing. "You’re the cop who wondered why I don't kill. Do you have a death wish?"
"For these people in here. You come one step closer...I blow their simulated heads off."
Sarah paused. "Here’s the thing. Hostage-takers, from my experience, want to live. If they don't blow their heads off in the first 5 seconds, then their goal is survival. If you were playing this right. So would you?"
"Me and my group want to get out of here. And we want assurances that you won't chase us. No tails."
"Sure no problem."
"Come on! You can't do that!"
"I can fly you out of the city limits, anywhere you want really. Won't tell the police if you don't hurt the people in the room."
"What?"
"Really. Yeah. I would do that."
"That’s insane."
‘Mazing Girl shrugged.
"Do you think I do this to punish people? I do negotiate with psychos like you."
(Movie reference!! Mazing girl was pleased.)
"Fuck you."
"And fuck you, simulated wack-job. Look, if the cops start shooting, 95% of you all die. 80% or more of your hostages die in an enclosed space like that. My goal, above all, is to save people. Including you. I value human life. I value your life. This is a game, and you can play however you want. But if this were real life, I would protect you. I would do my damnest...and yes that does make me fucking better then you. Not because of my freakish mutant powers, but because of my fucking morality. You don't have to like it. Tomorrow on the street you can shoot the fucking Pope...but this is how I operate."
She heard five guns drop and five people walked to the windows with there hands up.
"And yes, I was fucking lying about taking you out of town. Do you think I am a moron?"
*******
The rest of the exercises went a little smoother. And yes, in one of them several of the hostages did 'die', which was sad. But it went well over all.
And Sarah thought better of herself for it, and good about the human race.
She celebrated that night by getting shit-faced and watching "Americas Next Top Model". That show, at least occasionally, had some trenchant insights into the world of modelling. And as she laughed at Tyra Banks obvious attempt to out vouge the erstwhile contestants, she took comfort. Hero, unstoppable engine of destruction, high horse sounding asshole - maybe it was good that she could share in humanity the simple pleasures like this.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Weirder Spreadsheets of Live
TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDA – 2003
"So you want to do this?" asked Chad. He had the aura, though he had asked the question a dozen times in the last three hours, that the answer would change to no.
Sarah didn't bother answering him. She took Chad’s hands and put them on her bra covered breast. She literally squeezed his hands into her large breast, letting him feel the weight and their firmness, their splendour, through her bra. She felt his hands were tentative - almost as if she was doing the work.
"You can take your shirt off."
"I have boobs," confessed sadly Chad.
Chad, it should be explained, was a nice guy. He was a very nice guy, which Sarah liked. He was Sarah’s friend...not her best friend, but a good friend. He shared her love of movies and science fiction, if not quite her love of how it was put together. They were part of a clique of nerds-and not the only clique of nerds in Lincoln High school in Tallahassee.
He was also fat. Sarah, in high school, could be described as overweight...but also very statuesque. Her huge boobs distracted from her above average stomach. Chad was fat, and awkward...and human.
And Sarah was about to make love to him.
LOS ANGELES – PRESENT DAY
Sarah genuinely liked Facebook - it was a good way to make friends. Or keep up with contacts. Michael Zuckerberg didn't think about it, but in the entertainment industry one tended to meet a lot of people, be very close to them for a brief period, and move on. A perfect description of a Facebook connection. Sarah was friends with a couple of famous actors, and a lot of grips and extras.
But that wasn't all of them. Some where Like Chad, her friend from high school in Florida. On Facebook she learned that he went to the University of Florida, where he got a degree in computer something, and was now working on spreadsheet software in Atlanta. She also learned he was married and had a kid.
Sarah didn't put up a lot of photos of herself, as she was afraid of exposing her secret identity. Chad had. He was still fat, but not terribly. His wife was pretty. So was his son (well, pretty may not be the right word to describe a three year old, but you know what I mean).
He was doing what Facebook was also good for. He was coming to LA for a conference or something and wanted to have lunch.
TALLAHASSEE - 2003
"So you really want to do this?" asked Chad.
They where now both nude. It would be tricky at this point to stop.
Sarah climbed backward onto the bed opening her powerfully defined thighs. he looked at them. She normally wore dresses or pants to school so Chad never saw her legs. He absently started to stroke them as he sat on bed.
"You can climb on top of me," said Sarah.
"Really?" said Chad.
Sarah nodded.
Chad did, putting his mass over her body.
"I'm not too heavy?"
Sarah could lift up a tank. She couldn't juggle them, as that was physically impossible, but she could throw ’em. Chad didn't know that. Only her parents and her doctor did. And that one guy a couple of years ago who saw her in the forest and didn't say anything. It was her secret - now she was sharing her other secret with Chad.
"Your fine," assured Sarah. "You feel good.”
Sarah leaned up and kissed him, sucking a bit on his tongue as Chad at last started to relax a little. But only a little.
Sarah grabbed his penis, put it to her lips, and leaned up to take him.
LOS ANGELES – PRESENT DAY
"Yeah, I haven't seen iIon Man 3 yet," said Chad.
"Really?" Sarah asked. "You we’re just a huge fan of the comic."
They were eating lunch in a little Thai place of Normandie. Sarah had been there a couple times. She looked at Chad. Sarah had, since high school, turned from above average to rubenesque (though she had gained a lot of muscle in the process). Chad had gone the opposite direction and turned from fat to maybe plump. He had a better haircut and glasses, both the kind of things you go into the store to buy when you had money. He obviously had some, but not so much to flaunt it - or if he did it was in a way that didn't register in LA.
"You have a 3 year old, life priorities change"
Sarah nodded. "I could never get into it. Comicbook Iron Man is too much of a jerk."
"But that's his charm," observed Chad. "I actually didn't like the movies as much. He kind-of gets whittled down to a likeable dick. He’s a tech savvy James Bond - especially in the second movie."
"That wasn't very good," said Sarah.
"If you want to do a metaphor for alcoholism...that’s not it. So how was the third?"
"Ehhh," said Sarah. "It felt like it was trying a little hard from this desire to make him human and...like, well...James Bond."
"Hard mix for a superhero."
Tell me about it, thought Sarah.
"Wonder what it’s like doing it for real," Chad mused.
It was a conversation they had before in high school. What was different was then Sarah was dreaming. She never did many actual super-heroic activities until college. Now it was reality. What was it like? I don't know read the rest of the stories in the series. Sarah couldn't summarize it to Chad. She felt very close to him and very far apart. Nothing changes with high school friends and yet nothing stays the same. "So hows the conference?”
"Ehh, not really that interesting. Spreadsheeting is one of things that you can say was probably perfected in 1987. Not much changed since then, so... Ahh. Microsoft is pretty much the only game in town too. So every couple of years they add a few whistles and bells and an industry tries to ring ‘em. But ehh."
"So why did you come?"
"Paid trip; LA...you."
Sarah giggled.
TALLAHASSEE - 2003
"Are you sure want to do this?" asked Chad, even as he thrust into her.
"Your doing it," said Sarah. "That’s it..."
They were having sex. Sarah would not qualify it as making love, but as sharing physical affection. Chad was decent, and he was trying. Something she already had experience with was people who didn't. He wanted to thrust into her and satisfy her, bending her slightly to increase contact with her clit. He was trying, and she was feeling an honest joy in the experience...a sense that it was.
He buried his head into her breasts - at last seeming released. not that kind of release but a release of tension, of fear, a sense that he was finally one with the experience, truly there and inside of her. Close to her...with her.
"My god your boobs are awesome!!!"
It was the sweetest thing Sarah had ever heard.
LOS ANGELES – PRESENT DAY
Lunch was over before it begun. Well not literally, as time functioned normally. It wasn't one of the weirder spreadsheets Shad mentioned.
Sarah learned a lot about Chad’s wife. She was a secretary at the company he worked for, and though she didn't quite think it (as it was to dark) the words ‘married him for money’ wafted into her brain. Which was a shame, really. For a half a second she thought of her entire life and realized perhaps it was: It was hard with romantic partners for her. She had never really been in love - not once, not really. At least at the time. Often rosy memories turned half-baked sexual encounters into love though. She loved in the past, occasionally in the future, but never in the present. She had never found the right one.
After lunch was over she walked to her car, pausing at a bus bench to sit. Where was her life going? Would she ever find someone to share it with? To share her secret...her fate?
In high school Chad had been very good at math and computers. She had been, to a degree, but went into art instead. Now Chad was probably wealthier then her, but didn't have Nathan Fillon as a Facebook friend (he had guest-stared on the show she worked on. He seemed nice enough guy, though was actually pretty chubby). Los Angeles was a nice place to live but expensive. The beaches, the restaurants, it was...
A bus came right in front of her, opening the door.
She looked in.
LA also had a surprisingly robust mass transit system, but like a lot of people in LA, Sarah had never used it. She didn't now.
She waved.
The bus driver gave her a look that could only be described as dirty, but probably wasn't for reasons of the mass transit agency’s legal liability. The doors closed.
Well...huh.
Then the bus hit a gas truck and exploded.
Tallahassee - 2003
"My god," declared Chad as he pushed himself into her.
This was tricky for Sarah. She didn't want to hurt him. Him most of all. At the moment as he was very close to pushing her over the edge One of the biggest things in her life was that she had to work so very hard to be normal, but it was so engrained in her that at some level she didn't work at all - except in moments like this. Except when she had a super strong vagina that would eat him alive if she let it...chew him up and toss him out.
So she concentrated not on contracting it, but expanding it, pushing it open a tad as she closed her eyes to relax. It was hard having sex.
But as she shivered and felt alive like she never did, as beauty entered her brain and a shiver ran across her spine, as she felt him next to her and felt connected to someone...to something. And not, as in her darkest moments, a monster or a freak - but a hero of the orgasm-giving variety (could Superman say that?). It was all so, so worth it. So worth it
And then he skewered her inside with dribbles of boy juice. And that was just great to. Just really great.
Sarah leaned over, and kissed Chads face. Not his lips, but his face.
LOS ANGELES – PRESENT DAY
How it precisely happened, Sarah didn't know. But it did. The bus had hit the truck. She wasn't paying attention, too caught up in her own private sorrows. The truck was burning but the truck driver was fine. Not so much the bus.
But now she could do something about it.
There wasn't a lot, or really any people, in the Koreatown area on the street. LA could be pretty empty in the daytime in the city. Which helped, and hurt her, to a degree but what can you do. It helped in that what she was going to do wouldn't have an audience.
She jumped off the bus bench and pushed the 8 ton bus away from the tanker, which was really was on fire.
She looked inside. The driver was trapped, but not the passengers. The front entrance had been crushed in the accident, however in the back people were streaming out in a panic. Had they seen her? Who knew? Who cared?
She was a superhero even wearing a sundress goddamit.
She pushed open the door to the cab, which was also on fire, and got in. The driver, yes, was trapped...in air bag that was on fire. She paid her no mind. However, behind her was a woman in a wheelchair that had been pushed in the front of the bus.
"Help me!" Sarah said to no-one in particular.
Ahh well it didn't matter.
She grabbed the homeless and old looking, lady from her wheelchair with an easy pull of her hand, holding her on her shoulder. Sarah raced out and put her on the ground. She re-entered, and pulled the drivers seatbelt which she seemed to come off with an easy pull. Sarah looked dazed and confused over what happened, then turned inside.
She saw an older man had hit the side of the window and was unconscious. She reached to pick him up.
When the bus rocked. The fire had hits it tank.
She sheltered her partner with her body, and she pushed out the window...literally. It didn’t break but just flew across the street, hit a donut shop - and then broke. She jumped out with the guy - then did a step she sometimes did.
She ran to her purse, she pulled out her mask, (a copy of which she kept in there for extreme emergencies) quickly putting it on.
She saw one more person for some reason just panicking in the back of the bus.
"Please let it end...please let it end..." It was a punk boy of about 25, who looked tough enough, though thin. Yeah...courage: you can't buy it at a store.
Sarah walked over.
"Get away! Get away!!”
She ignored him and picked him up. The bus didn't look that stable. She moved to the end and kicked open a fire door and stood outside of it.
Then she realized all her clothing was on fire.
Huh?
Her sundress was almost entirely gone at this point, burnt to a crisp and falling off in large pieces to the ground. Her bra snapped open when it hit her back, letting her cups fall out right into the street. Her modest-ish panties where holding in place, but well...her Mary Jane’s...
Thankfully Sarah herself was fireproof.
Yeah, she was surrounded by flames, holding up a kid...who she tossed to the ground while still on the bus so they wouldn’t catch that the fire that was covering her body.
God what about her hair? Oh fuck...
When she looked to see Chad staring at her.
The exact last person she wanted to see right now.
TALLAHASSEE - 2003
"Yeah we did it all night long. Me and Jennings," Chad said to his friend. "She was like oh oh oh, and I was like oh oh oh..."
Chad was a talker. It took him less than 24 hours after the event to tell every damn person he knew. Literally. Sarah learned she even told his priest. Everyone.
Chad didn't talk to everyone at school of course. Impossible. However, he told a lot who told more. And yeah, in about a week, all the stories were about Sarah.
Which, of course, was exactly what she wanted.
Chad was a friend of hers. A good friend even. She also had the distinct impression that he would never have sex voluntarily in his life - so throw him a fuck. He deserved it. I mean, he did lend her his thick bound printed Iron Man books. He deserved it. And telling people about it (which she freely admitted) probably improved his rep a bit. Maybe, just maybe, another girl would want to take her place...build up his confidence despite the man boobs.
As for her - it was 2003. She was 16. Who cared if she slept around a little or had a fling? She had standards, and was empowered by her sexuality. She let it be that way. She had big boobs. Yeah some people snickered that she gave it to the fat kid, but some kinder people thought it was good of her to give it to the fat kid. So the fuck what?
It wasn't like she loved him. Despite inventing stories of oral sex and anal play, next week they would watch Stargate SG-! together.
It wasn't like she loved him.
LOS ANGELES – PRESENT
Sarah stood in front of Chad in all her glory.
And a couple of people with camera phones.
Ahh, people had seen pictures of her boobs before. It wasn't hard to find on the internet. The newspapers, even TMZ, didn't show it. She was invulnerable; her costume was not. What people going to call her a slut for saving at least 5 lives from a burning bus?
"Will you please delete those?"
She had some standards. Most of them appeared to be doing as she asked.
However, Chad...her mask was intact but her goodies were present...
"Wow...'Mazing Girl..."
Sarah looked at him.
"Move along. This bus ain't stable."
She jumped up and climbed underneath it (making sure quickly that no one was left) and picked it up, hefting it over her shoulders for a second, the 15 ton weight light enough for her but unbalanced a tad. Still, she made do.
And then she jumped up.
As she was 100 feet up the second tank blew and there was a fairly huge explosion in the sky. Not gigantic really, but still pretty big as explosions went. Pretty damn big.
And Sarah was now totally nude.
TALLAHASSEE - 2003
She and Chad never had sex again. Never so much as kissed again. It was just a one time thing: an event. She didn't want to break his heart by staying with him, making it more then that - and for the next couple of years, until college pushed them apart, he was squarely her second or third best friend at school.
But she often wondered. Did he want more? Had she hurt him by sleeping with him and running? The thought occasionally came to her. She didn't need X-ray vision to see his cock sometimes when they were together, and Sarah remembered what it did to her. She wondered... And there was something to his slightly bashful face; the way it saw her that knew it wanted her. Wanted her badly.
It was something she would learn very well.
For, yes, that was something, if anyone had asked her what being a superhero was really like. When people looked at her they always wanted her. That was the most prominent power of a superheroine. Not her huge E-cup boobs, plenty of girls had that, but she could make people love her. When she lifted a bus overhead half the people boys and girls got a woody. She was power and grace and even if a little fat, spectacular. She was a goddess to them.
Which made her feel a little guilty.
LOS ANGELES – PRESENT DAY
Half an hour latter Sarah was able to find her spare clothing bag her car in the empty parking lot moving at super speed, and was now adjusting it. In an aley she put on a bulky sweater, a bra and sweats. Yes, she wore a bra she needed it.
She found a mirror somehow in the alley, and looked at the damage. Her skin of course was unhurt. Her hair was pretty bad - very badly singed, in a couple of placed burnt. Her bikini area was also burnt but her eyebrows were okay. She was covered in sweat and singe. God...her purse. It was still at the site. She hoped she could get it, as that would be a pain to replace.
But she was okay.
Though what about Chad? Did he know? Did he...?
He probably suspected.
She suspected a lot of people suspected. Some friends, co workers - but people rarely came up to her asked. She could make a category on Facebook of people like that. She always said no - and what could you do then?
Now Chad was there. But he was a talker.
Well...what could she do?
Chad was in town for a couple more days. She could either see him again or not. She kept that up in the air. She wouldn't call him, but if he called her...well.
And she wanted him to call her. Wanted it, if nothing else to know to clear the air, to see if their relationship had changed again. To be in awe of that, the idea of a person, the concept of just being someone alive.
Sarah finally knew what it was like to live in a world of heroes.
Which is something Zuckerberg did intend when he invented Facebook.
"So you want to do this?" asked Chad. He had the aura, though he had asked the question a dozen times in the last three hours, that the answer would change to no.
Sarah didn't bother answering him. She took Chad’s hands and put them on her bra covered breast. She literally squeezed his hands into her large breast, letting him feel the weight and their firmness, their splendour, through her bra. She felt his hands were tentative - almost as if she was doing the work.
"You can take your shirt off."
"I have boobs," confessed sadly Chad.
Chad, it should be explained, was a nice guy. He was a very nice guy, which Sarah liked. He was Sarah’s friend...not her best friend, but a good friend. He shared her love of movies and science fiction, if not quite her love of how it was put together. They were part of a clique of nerds-and not the only clique of nerds in Lincoln High school in Tallahassee.
He was also fat. Sarah, in high school, could be described as overweight...but also very statuesque. Her huge boobs distracted from her above average stomach. Chad was fat, and awkward...and human.
And Sarah was about to make love to him.
LOS ANGELES – PRESENT DAY
Sarah genuinely liked Facebook - it was a good way to make friends. Or keep up with contacts. Michael Zuckerberg didn't think about it, but in the entertainment industry one tended to meet a lot of people, be very close to them for a brief period, and move on. A perfect description of a Facebook connection. Sarah was friends with a couple of famous actors, and a lot of grips and extras.
But that wasn't all of them. Some where Like Chad, her friend from high school in Florida. On Facebook she learned that he went to the University of Florida, where he got a degree in computer something, and was now working on spreadsheet software in Atlanta. She also learned he was married and had a kid.
Sarah didn't put up a lot of photos of herself, as she was afraid of exposing her secret identity. Chad had. He was still fat, but not terribly. His wife was pretty. So was his son (well, pretty may not be the right word to describe a three year old, but you know what I mean).
He was doing what Facebook was also good for. He was coming to LA for a conference or something and wanted to have lunch.
TALLAHASSEE - 2003
"So you really want to do this?" asked Chad.
They where now both nude. It would be tricky at this point to stop.
Sarah climbed backward onto the bed opening her powerfully defined thighs. he looked at them. She normally wore dresses or pants to school so Chad never saw her legs. He absently started to stroke them as he sat on bed.
"You can climb on top of me," said Sarah.
"Really?" said Chad.
Sarah nodded.
Chad did, putting his mass over her body.
"I'm not too heavy?"
Sarah could lift up a tank. She couldn't juggle them, as that was physically impossible, but she could throw ’em. Chad didn't know that. Only her parents and her doctor did. And that one guy a couple of years ago who saw her in the forest and didn't say anything. It was her secret - now she was sharing her other secret with Chad.
"Your fine," assured Sarah. "You feel good.”
Sarah leaned up and kissed him, sucking a bit on his tongue as Chad at last started to relax a little. But only a little.
Sarah grabbed his penis, put it to her lips, and leaned up to take him.
LOS ANGELES – PRESENT DAY
"Yeah, I haven't seen iIon Man 3 yet," said Chad.
"Really?" Sarah asked. "You we’re just a huge fan of the comic."
They were eating lunch in a little Thai place of Normandie. Sarah had been there a couple times. She looked at Chad. Sarah had, since high school, turned from above average to rubenesque (though she had gained a lot of muscle in the process). Chad had gone the opposite direction and turned from fat to maybe plump. He had a better haircut and glasses, both the kind of things you go into the store to buy when you had money. He obviously had some, but not so much to flaunt it - or if he did it was in a way that didn't register in LA.
"You have a 3 year old, life priorities change"
Sarah nodded. "I could never get into it. Comicbook Iron Man is too much of a jerk."
"But that's his charm," observed Chad. "I actually didn't like the movies as much. He kind-of gets whittled down to a likeable dick. He’s a tech savvy James Bond - especially in the second movie."
"That wasn't very good," said Sarah.
"If you want to do a metaphor for alcoholism...that’s not it. So how was the third?"
"Ehhh," said Sarah. "It felt like it was trying a little hard from this desire to make him human and...like, well...James Bond."
"Hard mix for a superhero."
Tell me about it, thought Sarah.
"Wonder what it’s like doing it for real," Chad mused.
It was a conversation they had before in high school. What was different was then Sarah was dreaming. She never did many actual super-heroic activities until college. Now it was reality. What was it like? I don't know read the rest of the stories in the series. Sarah couldn't summarize it to Chad. She felt very close to him and very far apart. Nothing changes with high school friends and yet nothing stays the same. "So hows the conference?”
"Ehh, not really that interesting. Spreadsheeting is one of things that you can say was probably perfected in 1987. Not much changed since then, so... Ahh. Microsoft is pretty much the only game in town too. So every couple of years they add a few whistles and bells and an industry tries to ring ‘em. But ehh."
"So why did you come?"
"Paid trip; LA...you."
Sarah giggled.
TALLAHASSEE - 2003
"Are you sure want to do this?" asked Chad, even as he thrust into her.
"Your doing it," said Sarah. "That’s it..."
They were having sex. Sarah would not qualify it as making love, but as sharing physical affection. Chad was decent, and he was trying. Something she already had experience with was people who didn't. He wanted to thrust into her and satisfy her, bending her slightly to increase contact with her clit. He was trying, and she was feeling an honest joy in the experience...a sense that it was.
He buried his head into her breasts - at last seeming released. not that kind of release but a release of tension, of fear, a sense that he was finally one with the experience, truly there and inside of her. Close to her...with her.
"My god your boobs are awesome!!!"
It was the sweetest thing Sarah had ever heard.
LOS ANGELES – PRESENT DAY
Lunch was over before it begun. Well not literally, as time functioned normally. It wasn't one of the weirder spreadsheets Shad mentioned.
Sarah learned a lot about Chad’s wife. She was a secretary at the company he worked for, and though she didn't quite think it (as it was to dark) the words ‘married him for money’ wafted into her brain. Which was a shame, really. For a half a second she thought of her entire life and realized perhaps it was: It was hard with romantic partners for her. She had never really been in love - not once, not really. At least at the time. Often rosy memories turned half-baked sexual encounters into love though. She loved in the past, occasionally in the future, but never in the present. She had never found the right one.
After lunch was over she walked to her car, pausing at a bus bench to sit. Where was her life going? Would she ever find someone to share it with? To share her secret...her fate?
In high school Chad had been very good at math and computers. She had been, to a degree, but went into art instead. Now Chad was probably wealthier then her, but didn't have Nathan Fillon as a Facebook friend (he had guest-stared on the show she worked on. He seemed nice enough guy, though was actually pretty chubby). Los Angeles was a nice place to live but expensive. The beaches, the restaurants, it was...
A bus came right in front of her, opening the door.
She looked in.
LA also had a surprisingly robust mass transit system, but like a lot of people in LA, Sarah had never used it. She didn't now.
She waved.
The bus driver gave her a look that could only be described as dirty, but probably wasn't for reasons of the mass transit agency’s legal liability. The doors closed.
Well...huh.
Then the bus hit a gas truck and exploded.
Tallahassee - 2003
"My god," declared Chad as he pushed himself into her.
This was tricky for Sarah. She didn't want to hurt him. Him most of all. At the moment as he was very close to pushing her over the edge One of the biggest things in her life was that she had to work so very hard to be normal, but it was so engrained in her that at some level she didn't work at all - except in moments like this. Except when she had a super strong vagina that would eat him alive if she let it...chew him up and toss him out.
So she concentrated not on contracting it, but expanding it, pushing it open a tad as she closed her eyes to relax. It was hard having sex.
But as she shivered and felt alive like she never did, as beauty entered her brain and a shiver ran across her spine, as she felt him next to her and felt connected to someone...to something. And not, as in her darkest moments, a monster or a freak - but a hero of the orgasm-giving variety (could Superman say that?). It was all so, so worth it. So worth it
And then he skewered her inside with dribbles of boy juice. And that was just great to. Just really great.
Sarah leaned over, and kissed Chads face. Not his lips, but his face.
LOS ANGELES – PRESENT DAY
How it precisely happened, Sarah didn't know. But it did. The bus had hit the truck. She wasn't paying attention, too caught up in her own private sorrows. The truck was burning but the truck driver was fine. Not so much the bus.
But now she could do something about it.
There wasn't a lot, or really any people, in the Koreatown area on the street. LA could be pretty empty in the daytime in the city. Which helped, and hurt her, to a degree but what can you do. It helped in that what she was going to do wouldn't have an audience.
She jumped off the bus bench and pushed the 8 ton bus away from the tanker, which was really was on fire.
She looked inside. The driver was trapped, but not the passengers. The front entrance had been crushed in the accident, however in the back people were streaming out in a panic. Had they seen her? Who knew? Who cared?
She was a superhero even wearing a sundress goddamit.
She pushed open the door to the cab, which was also on fire, and got in. The driver, yes, was trapped...in air bag that was on fire. She paid her no mind. However, behind her was a woman in a wheelchair that had been pushed in the front of the bus.
"Help me!" Sarah said to no-one in particular.
Ahh well it didn't matter.
She grabbed the homeless and old looking, lady from her wheelchair with an easy pull of her hand, holding her on her shoulder. Sarah raced out and put her on the ground. She re-entered, and pulled the drivers seatbelt which she seemed to come off with an easy pull. Sarah looked dazed and confused over what happened, then turned inside.
She saw an older man had hit the side of the window and was unconscious. She reached to pick him up.
When the bus rocked. The fire had hits it tank.
She sheltered her partner with her body, and she pushed out the window...literally. It didn’t break but just flew across the street, hit a donut shop - and then broke. She jumped out with the guy - then did a step she sometimes did.
She ran to her purse, she pulled out her mask, (a copy of which she kept in there for extreme emergencies) quickly putting it on.
She saw one more person for some reason just panicking in the back of the bus.
"Please let it end...please let it end..." It was a punk boy of about 25, who looked tough enough, though thin. Yeah...courage: you can't buy it at a store.
Sarah walked over.
"Get away! Get away!!”
She ignored him and picked him up. The bus didn't look that stable. She moved to the end and kicked open a fire door and stood outside of it.
Then she realized all her clothing was on fire.
Huh?
Her sundress was almost entirely gone at this point, burnt to a crisp and falling off in large pieces to the ground. Her bra snapped open when it hit her back, letting her cups fall out right into the street. Her modest-ish panties where holding in place, but well...her Mary Jane’s...
Thankfully Sarah herself was fireproof.
Yeah, she was surrounded by flames, holding up a kid...who she tossed to the ground while still on the bus so they wouldn’t catch that the fire that was covering her body.
God what about her hair? Oh fuck...
When she looked to see Chad staring at her.
The exact last person she wanted to see right now.
TALLAHASSEE - 2003
"Yeah we did it all night long. Me and Jennings," Chad said to his friend. "She was like oh oh oh, and I was like oh oh oh..."
Chad was a talker. It took him less than 24 hours after the event to tell every damn person he knew. Literally. Sarah learned she even told his priest. Everyone.
Chad didn't talk to everyone at school of course. Impossible. However, he told a lot who told more. And yeah, in about a week, all the stories were about Sarah.
Which, of course, was exactly what she wanted.
Chad was a friend of hers. A good friend even. She also had the distinct impression that he would never have sex voluntarily in his life - so throw him a fuck. He deserved it. I mean, he did lend her his thick bound printed Iron Man books. He deserved it. And telling people about it (which she freely admitted) probably improved his rep a bit. Maybe, just maybe, another girl would want to take her place...build up his confidence despite the man boobs.
As for her - it was 2003. She was 16. Who cared if she slept around a little or had a fling? She had standards, and was empowered by her sexuality. She let it be that way. She had big boobs. Yeah some people snickered that she gave it to the fat kid, but some kinder people thought it was good of her to give it to the fat kid. So the fuck what?
It wasn't like she loved him. Despite inventing stories of oral sex and anal play, next week they would watch Stargate SG-! together.
It wasn't like she loved him.
LOS ANGELES – PRESENT
Sarah stood in front of Chad in all her glory.
And a couple of people with camera phones.
Ahh, people had seen pictures of her boobs before. It wasn't hard to find on the internet. The newspapers, even TMZ, didn't show it. She was invulnerable; her costume was not. What people going to call her a slut for saving at least 5 lives from a burning bus?
"Will you please delete those?"
She had some standards. Most of them appeared to be doing as she asked.
However, Chad...her mask was intact but her goodies were present...
"Wow...'Mazing Girl..."
Sarah looked at him.
"Move along. This bus ain't stable."
She jumped up and climbed underneath it (making sure quickly that no one was left) and picked it up, hefting it over her shoulders for a second, the 15 ton weight light enough for her but unbalanced a tad. Still, she made do.
And then she jumped up.
As she was 100 feet up the second tank blew and there was a fairly huge explosion in the sky. Not gigantic really, but still pretty big as explosions went. Pretty damn big.
And Sarah was now totally nude.
TALLAHASSEE - 2003
She and Chad never had sex again. Never so much as kissed again. It was just a one time thing: an event. She didn't want to break his heart by staying with him, making it more then that - and for the next couple of years, until college pushed them apart, he was squarely her second or third best friend at school.
But she often wondered. Did he want more? Had she hurt him by sleeping with him and running? The thought occasionally came to her. She didn't need X-ray vision to see his cock sometimes when they were together, and Sarah remembered what it did to her. She wondered... And there was something to his slightly bashful face; the way it saw her that knew it wanted her. Wanted her badly.
It was something she would learn very well.
For, yes, that was something, if anyone had asked her what being a superhero was really like. When people looked at her they always wanted her. That was the most prominent power of a superheroine. Not her huge E-cup boobs, plenty of girls had that, but she could make people love her. When she lifted a bus overhead half the people boys and girls got a woody. She was power and grace and even if a little fat, spectacular. She was a goddess to them.
Which made her feel a little guilty.
LOS ANGELES – PRESENT DAY
Half an hour latter Sarah was able to find her spare clothing bag her car in the empty parking lot moving at super speed, and was now adjusting it. In an aley she put on a bulky sweater, a bra and sweats. Yes, she wore a bra she needed it.
She found a mirror somehow in the alley, and looked at the damage. Her skin of course was unhurt. Her hair was pretty bad - very badly singed, in a couple of placed burnt. Her bikini area was also burnt but her eyebrows were okay. She was covered in sweat and singe. God...her purse. It was still at the site. She hoped she could get it, as that would be a pain to replace.
But she was okay.
Though what about Chad? Did he know? Did he...?
He probably suspected.
She suspected a lot of people suspected. Some friends, co workers - but people rarely came up to her asked. She could make a category on Facebook of people like that. She always said no - and what could you do then?
Now Chad was there. But he was a talker.
Well...what could she do?
Chad was in town for a couple more days. She could either see him again or not. She kept that up in the air. She wouldn't call him, but if he called her...well.
And she wanted him to call her. Wanted it, if nothing else to know to clear the air, to see if their relationship had changed again. To be in awe of that, the idea of a person, the concept of just being someone alive.
Sarah finally knew what it was like to live in a world of heroes.
Which is something Zuckerberg did intend when he invented Facebook.
Friday, September 6, 2013
Proper Hygeine is Important
Well, no-one likes to go to a doctor.
For an invulnerable superheroine, this was trickier still.
Sarah was generally glad she had good health - and as far as could be told, fairly normal anatomy. Other then skin that was for all practical purposes unbreakable, bones too...well, general invulnerability, unlimited stamina, super strength. And the ability to hum really well.
However, if you gave her an X-ray (the hospital kind, not the superhuman type) you would find her normal enough lungs, pancreases things of that nature. So it all kind of worked, and kept her in, generally, pretty good health.
Which was good, because doctors tended to, like, to want to draw blood, and things like that.
But she was a having a problem, an embarrassing problem, and on this day she went dutifully to the doctors office, as was allowed under her Trade Guild medical plan...
Her doctor’s office was in a big medical building, which was good. It made it seem fancy and important, which she liked in professional service. Her accountant and her lawyer were all in big buildings too. She thought it would be cool to jump up to their offices and talk to them out the window but she knew the glass in these buildings was very thick and hard to talk through, and in this case she had to show her vagina off which would just be awkward 20 stories up.
And besides, she liked the big brass covered elevator.
She got in with about 5 other people. Elevators were fun. This wasn't a fast elevator. but it was a very nice looking one. She could appreciate good art design, being an art designer herself. If she hadn't gotten into movies, she probably would have ended up as something like an interior designer (she knew a lot of people who worked in her field who did that on the side) and she liked spaces.
She looked into the glass reflection to see a woman standing next to her.
Did she recognize her?
The woman was about 5'1 long black hair wearing a pants suit and a tie with a vest. Stylish enough. She had a slightly serious, sombre look.
She looked a bit more carefully at the woman’s face. Huh? Was there...? Did she know this woman? A good/bad thing about working in TV was that you saw a lot of people. Tons of actors, extras, crew members, passers-by on the street. Most days she was introduced to a dozen people, who scarcely went by her. And in her other line of work...well, even more. She wasn't a politician, but ‘Mazing Girl wasn't above shaking peoples hands.
But this woman...
She was pretty. Very small, very thin, with long black hair, and...
Oh...
She waited for her to leave, not wanting to make the situation awkward.
However, on the 20th floor Sarah got out...and so did the woman she recognized as The Flame.
They walked forward down the hall - and Sarah opened the door to go into...
"Oh, are you here for Dr. Yamata too?" asked The Flame.
"Yeah," said Sarah.
She was 90 percent sure. That wasn't a good percentage. Not to really confront someone. Sarah had been confronted a couple of times about being 'Mazing Girl, But she suspected a large portion of her secret identity was based on the concept that people were just too awkward to ask her about it.
However, the woman noticed it before she walked in and whispered.
"Are you...."
Sarah nodded. "And you?”
The Flame nodded.
They walked in.
It was a nice waiting room. That’s what Sarah looked for in an office. Lots of girly magazines to which Sarah didn't read unless she was in a doctors office. Golf Digest which was a better magazine then you might imagine, even for someone who cared nothing for sports and less for golf.
Sarah found a chair. The Flame sat next to her.
"So...what are you in for?" asked Sarah.
"Pap-smear," said The Flame.
"It’s good to check that out every year," observed Sarah.
There was an awkward pause.
"I am having pain when I pee" said Sarah. "I think something with yeast."
"Ugh," The Eternal Flame shuddered.
"It’s getting greener..."
And The Eternal Flame let out a low laugh.
"I can't laugh when I’m in costume."
Sarah smiled at the Eternal Flame and put her hand on her thigh, and shook it.
"Wait, their going to call your name," Sarah said.
"Or their going to call your name," said Flame.
"Yeah," said Sarah.
"I’m going to go up ask to use the bathroom," said Flame. "Tell them. They'll find me as opposed to calling my name out-loud.
"This is silly," said Sarah.
"I agree," said Flame. "It’s the nature of things."
There was a pause.
"However, you know...maybe we can go out for drinks or something like that...no reasons we can't be friends."
Flame closed her eyes. "I don't drink." She walked up towards the receptionist, who led her in.
Sarah waited for a long time. She got an issue of Golf Digest. She then realized that she was the only woman in the room. Which wasn't that unusual for a gynaecologist.
Sarah started to read the magazine, and was instantly entranced in a world of five-irons, tee times, and articles about professionals she didn't know or care about. There was the black dude they profiled. God, that was the first thing she thought about Tiger Woods? She was disgusted in herself.
And she pulled out her iphone and confirmed. He wasn't really black either. Yeah, she remembered that vaguely. He got into some weird trouble a couple of years ago.
And before she knew it was 1:30. Her appointment was for 1:10. No receptionist called her name. She went to the front, and realized there was no receptionist at the desk. She didn't remember her that well from her visit last time, but she was an older black....
Oh, fuck herself.
Sarah shrugged and looked in. She opened the door to the office...
"Is anyone here?" she called out...
And fell over unconscious.
***
Sarah awoke inside a small cage, inside a large black void. Beyond the metal cage there seemed to be nothing, no walls, no ceilings, just darkness and black.
How long she had been out, she had no idea. She didn't feel any of the after effects of drugs or things like that. In fact, she felt fine.
The cage looked like something you would hold a rampaging gorilla in. lots of thick steel bars, 10 feet by 10 feet. Big...strong. It looked to be very well constructed.
Sarah grabbed two bars of it, and effortlessly pushed them open. She heard the whine of the metal as it went – however, while in the movies this took a while for superman to use his incredible strength against the metal, for her it was easy as plying two slices of bread apart. Actually, as she did so the metal stress literally pulled one of the bars out of the sockets, letting it fall in the air.
Childs play.
She suspected that she had an advantage, no-one would put ‘Mazing Girl in such a light cage.
She put her hand to the ground to feel the floor.
And felt nothing at all.
Huh?
Sarah shrugged, and grabbed the edge of reality and pulled it back with her arms. Her awesome strength destroyed the fabric of existence easily enough.
The giant black void around her was ripped aside and she saw-a white void. For about a second.
Then what looked to be an Asian garden. The lines of pagodas, chrysanthemums, streams, and pine trees, formed out of nothing.
This looked simple enough.
Then came the ninjas.
They jumped in, spinning about as they tended to do in movies. Wearing black pyjamas, they came in from nowhere.
What her assailants probably didn't know, was that she had actually fought ninjas twice in the ast last month, actually. The thing about real-life ninjas – they don't wear ninja getups. They actually tend to be real good at looking like normal people, particularly ones you don't notice. They had actually looked like a group of bums in one case and star trek cosplayers(which wasn't normal but well).
These looked like something out of a comicbook.
Which was fun for her, as she rarely encountered the absolute comicbook.
One of them came at her with a sword, with a mighty kai, to slash her in her half.
It hit her invulnerable skin and did less then nothing.
She grabbed his hand and his sword and then proceeded to toss him out of the universe.
But now she had something fun to use.
There were about--oh 20 ninjas. conversation of ninjutisu.
She started to move faster then the normal eye could process.
She began, moving a 100 miles an hour, to slash them, cutting them up like cordwood. the blade was extremely sharp, and made quick work of them as they fell before they even realized what was happening to them, falling down to the ground in waves of mook. It was fun.
However, for each ninja she dispatched into small ninja chunks - taking one, tossing him into the ground, and cutting him into exactly 5, more appeared. Exactly...
She had managed to dispatch 85 of them in about 20 seconds. However, this was still taking too much time.
She punched the ground. It was something she always wanted to do. Hell, the great danger was less the ninjas then the part of her that just wanted to cut loose, to be the infinitely strong, infinitely powerful person she fantasised about - which was complicated by the fact that she actually was infinitely strong and powerful.
But with at least 500 ninjas, this should help with that.
The punch sent a giant shockwave through the garden, breaking most of the structures, creating a gigantic rift through the environment, a wave of devastation over the ground. The ninjas flew backward from the punch, flying through the air as if they had been hit by a bomb. Which they had, in effect. The ones nearest to the blast almost disintegrated into nothing, and nothing was there, just them.
And five more appeared.
There were now at least 2500 ninjas around her.
And they started to act funny.
There is a concept in video games called frame rate - the idea if too much is on the screen things start to take a hit - and the reality of, say...Call of Duty changes from smooth sense of the real, to a choppy mess.
The same thing was happening with her world.
They were moving slowly, if at all, appearing in blurry sync, giving a sense that they were copying motions of each other - they flickered in and out of existence, in and out of reality.....
And she noticed to her left a small crack in reality with something past it...
And ‘Mazing Girl pushed her way in.
There probably weren't too many layers left.
*****
She was in a large house. Actually, too large. She was clearly in a hall but everything was at least 10 feet tall. However, it was a hall...the concepts of the universe where ill-defined for space here, ill-defined for reality.
Then she had a sense perhaps of where she was. She was in a child’s home, a child’s space - she was looking up at the railings of a stairway going down into a children’s living room with pictures and shapes that a child would see. It wasn't her as a child. This was clearly a very large split-level home...almost Victorian. She grew up in a tract home bungalow but it was a childhood nevertheless. She looked around for a second and tried to get her bearings.
Then the voice...
"How long can you hide Jarmin? You are still pathetically trapped in your meaningless existence."
It was a loud male voice that had an outrageous accent. However, she wasn't quite sure of it. Well she shouldn't worry too much about races and stereotypes. That was today’s lesson.
Well, not really, but there she was.
She paused. And realized if someone was hiding she probably should make herself visible.
"Hi! HI!!" she shouted, and then waved her hands.
"What?" demanded the voice.
'You captured me in this reality. Tried to lock me in a cage, Attacked me with ninjas – um, what’s going on here?"
"INSOLENCT WESTERN SCUM!!!”
"I don't get that a lot," Sarah said, "But thanks for the compliments."
A door opened. And out came a small man. Wearing a...what looked to be stereotypical...well, Asian clothing (Jesus Christ). She sighed. She really couldn't narrow it down more then that. God she was just the worst person today.
She saw in the door a small boy, standing in the corner turning his head to the wall. He looked vaguely familiar. Well, no matter. Because a huge-10 foot tall Doberman Pincer also climbed out. They normally looked very friendly...but this one...snarled like a wolf
"It’s not your demon American - but it will do I think.”
"No," said Sarah.
She then punched it in its face and it disintegrated.
"What is going?" said Sarah.
Out of a door came The Flame, wearing her street clothes.
"it’s no use, shalk – you can't fight both of us at once. Your can create your mental prisons, but you still need to use your own mind. You can't keep so many inside at once. You were never that good a jailor."
"But you’re a weak nothing!" said Shalk "A little...”
"Well, she is the strongest woman I know," said The Flame. "can you destroy him?"
And Sarah leaned in and punched Shalk so hard that the entire mental universe she was in collapsed.
*****
Sarah woke up on the floor outside the waiting room. Her nose hurt. She had fallen funny. Still, she got up and walked into the room.
She saw that the receptionist, a nurse, and her gynaecologist where all waking up in various rooms of the clinics. As she came into the main observation room she saw The Flame doing the same. And next to her the one identified as Shalk was unconscious.
"shalk is an old foe. an enemy from my past. he tracked me down, I suppose. thanks for your help in dealing with him. he’s quite powerful."
Flame’s voice had changed from normal human, to...well, The Flame’s. Sarah hadn't noticed it inside the dream. She wondered which of them was real and which was fake. Still, she just looked very small and vulnerable in her normal clothing. She was so small. Close-up she looked to be maybe 30 - but still, she had the aura of a child, yet there was something haunted about her.
"He attacked at your gynaecologists," said Sarah, "That’s pretty fucked up."
"where we’re vulnerable and human," observed The Flame, "smart move. i would have done it. and no regrets either. It’s what I am. i take people like him and punish them. but I am no better. not really."
Sarah looked at Flame. " You know - I didn't see your private...hell, I guess. not really, but...you can... "
Flame looked forward. "The world requires me to stay there. To be The Flame that guards it. An eternal vigilance. It’s who I am. The price I bear."
Then Ms Cindy Kramer, their gynaecologist, came in. "so what the fuck just happened?"
The Flame smiled. and talked in a normal voice. "I think maybe there was a gas leak - this poor gentleman seems to have been effected more...maybe we should call him an ambulance."
"Who is he?" asked Cindy.
"I'm as much at a loss as you are, Dr. Kramer."
"Let’s all go see a doctor. I still feel loopy. It’s like someone talked in my head for the last 4 hours, all in Bhutanese. I mean...a doctor who isn't me. I mean...you know what I mean."
"Um...I feel fine, but I came for a yeast infection/"
"Go buy some Monistat, Douche. And remember: Proper hygiene. If you let stuff fester inside of you it tends to break out into really nasty stuff."
Oh...that was the lesson!!! That was the lesson.
Sarah walked out. She then looked for a second more at Flame. Her eyes met hers, for a second they were human. Then Sarah looked down at Shalk. And they were something else. She wondered if the flame would learn it.
But, ehh, she remembered from biology if you didn't let things fester inside your inestines wouldn't work and you would wither and die. So many be keeping the demons had value..and
She walked past the black receptionist and...
Oh, fuck...
For an invulnerable superheroine, this was trickier still.
Sarah was generally glad she had good health - and as far as could be told, fairly normal anatomy. Other then skin that was for all practical purposes unbreakable, bones too...well, general invulnerability, unlimited stamina, super strength. And the ability to hum really well.
However, if you gave her an X-ray (the hospital kind, not the superhuman type) you would find her normal enough lungs, pancreases things of that nature. So it all kind of worked, and kept her in, generally, pretty good health.
Which was good, because doctors tended to, like, to want to draw blood, and things like that.
But she was a having a problem, an embarrassing problem, and on this day she went dutifully to the doctors office, as was allowed under her Trade Guild medical plan...
Her doctor’s office was in a big medical building, which was good. It made it seem fancy and important, which she liked in professional service. Her accountant and her lawyer were all in big buildings too. She thought it would be cool to jump up to their offices and talk to them out the window but she knew the glass in these buildings was very thick and hard to talk through, and in this case she had to show her vagina off which would just be awkward 20 stories up.
And besides, she liked the big brass covered elevator.
She got in with about 5 other people. Elevators were fun. This wasn't a fast elevator. but it was a very nice looking one. She could appreciate good art design, being an art designer herself. If she hadn't gotten into movies, she probably would have ended up as something like an interior designer (she knew a lot of people who worked in her field who did that on the side) and she liked spaces.
She looked into the glass reflection to see a woman standing next to her.
Did she recognize her?
The woman was about 5'1 long black hair wearing a pants suit and a tie with a vest. Stylish enough. She had a slightly serious, sombre look.
She looked a bit more carefully at the woman’s face. Huh? Was there...? Did she know this woman? A good/bad thing about working in TV was that you saw a lot of people. Tons of actors, extras, crew members, passers-by on the street. Most days she was introduced to a dozen people, who scarcely went by her. And in her other line of work...well, even more. She wasn't a politician, but ‘Mazing Girl wasn't above shaking peoples hands.
But this woman...
She was pretty. Very small, very thin, with long black hair, and...
Oh...
She waited for her to leave, not wanting to make the situation awkward.
However, on the 20th floor Sarah got out...and so did the woman she recognized as The Flame.
They walked forward down the hall - and Sarah opened the door to go into...
"Oh, are you here for Dr. Yamata too?" asked The Flame.
"Yeah," said Sarah.
She was 90 percent sure. That wasn't a good percentage. Not to really confront someone. Sarah had been confronted a couple of times about being 'Mazing Girl, But she suspected a large portion of her secret identity was based on the concept that people were just too awkward to ask her about it.
However, the woman noticed it before she walked in and whispered.
"Are you...."
Sarah nodded. "And you?”
The Flame nodded.
They walked in.
It was a nice waiting room. That’s what Sarah looked for in an office. Lots of girly magazines to which Sarah didn't read unless she was in a doctors office. Golf Digest which was a better magazine then you might imagine, even for someone who cared nothing for sports and less for golf.
Sarah found a chair. The Flame sat next to her.
"So...what are you in for?" asked Sarah.
"Pap-smear," said The Flame.
"It’s good to check that out every year," observed Sarah.
There was an awkward pause.
"I am having pain when I pee" said Sarah. "I think something with yeast."
"Ugh," The Eternal Flame shuddered.
"It’s getting greener..."
And The Eternal Flame let out a low laugh.
"I can't laugh when I’m in costume."
Sarah smiled at the Eternal Flame and put her hand on her thigh, and shook it.
"Wait, their going to call your name," Sarah said.
"Or their going to call your name," said Flame.
"Yeah," said Sarah.
"I’m going to go up ask to use the bathroom," said Flame. "Tell them. They'll find me as opposed to calling my name out-loud.
"This is silly," said Sarah.
"I agree," said Flame. "It’s the nature of things."
There was a pause.
"However, you know...maybe we can go out for drinks or something like that...no reasons we can't be friends."
Flame closed her eyes. "I don't drink." She walked up towards the receptionist, who led her in.
Sarah waited for a long time. She got an issue of Golf Digest. She then realized that she was the only woman in the room. Which wasn't that unusual for a gynaecologist.
Sarah started to read the magazine, and was instantly entranced in a world of five-irons, tee times, and articles about professionals she didn't know or care about. There was the black dude they profiled. God, that was the first thing she thought about Tiger Woods? She was disgusted in herself.
And she pulled out her iphone and confirmed. He wasn't really black either. Yeah, she remembered that vaguely. He got into some weird trouble a couple of years ago.
And before she knew it was 1:30. Her appointment was for 1:10. No receptionist called her name. She went to the front, and realized there was no receptionist at the desk. She didn't remember her that well from her visit last time, but she was an older black....
Oh, fuck herself.
Sarah shrugged and looked in. She opened the door to the office...
"Is anyone here?" she called out...
And fell over unconscious.
***
Sarah awoke inside a small cage, inside a large black void. Beyond the metal cage there seemed to be nothing, no walls, no ceilings, just darkness and black.
How long she had been out, she had no idea. She didn't feel any of the after effects of drugs or things like that. In fact, she felt fine.
The cage looked like something you would hold a rampaging gorilla in. lots of thick steel bars, 10 feet by 10 feet. Big...strong. It looked to be very well constructed.
Sarah grabbed two bars of it, and effortlessly pushed them open. She heard the whine of the metal as it went – however, while in the movies this took a while for superman to use his incredible strength against the metal, for her it was easy as plying two slices of bread apart. Actually, as she did so the metal stress literally pulled one of the bars out of the sockets, letting it fall in the air.
Childs play.
She suspected that she had an advantage, no-one would put ‘Mazing Girl in such a light cage.
She put her hand to the ground to feel the floor.
And felt nothing at all.
Huh?
Sarah shrugged, and grabbed the edge of reality and pulled it back with her arms. Her awesome strength destroyed the fabric of existence easily enough.
The giant black void around her was ripped aside and she saw-a white void. For about a second.
Then what looked to be an Asian garden. The lines of pagodas, chrysanthemums, streams, and pine trees, formed out of nothing.
This looked simple enough.
Then came the ninjas.
They jumped in, spinning about as they tended to do in movies. Wearing black pyjamas, they came in from nowhere.
What her assailants probably didn't know, was that she had actually fought ninjas twice in the ast last month, actually. The thing about real-life ninjas – they don't wear ninja getups. They actually tend to be real good at looking like normal people, particularly ones you don't notice. They had actually looked like a group of bums in one case and star trek cosplayers(which wasn't normal but well).
These looked like something out of a comicbook.
Which was fun for her, as she rarely encountered the absolute comicbook.
One of them came at her with a sword, with a mighty kai, to slash her in her half.
It hit her invulnerable skin and did less then nothing.
She grabbed his hand and his sword and then proceeded to toss him out of the universe.
But now she had something fun to use.
There were about--oh 20 ninjas. conversation of ninjutisu.
She started to move faster then the normal eye could process.
She began, moving a 100 miles an hour, to slash them, cutting them up like cordwood. the blade was extremely sharp, and made quick work of them as they fell before they even realized what was happening to them, falling down to the ground in waves of mook. It was fun.
However, for each ninja she dispatched into small ninja chunks - taking one, tossing him into the ground, and cutting him into exactly 5, more appeared. Exactly...
She had managed to dispatch 85 of them in about 20 seconds. However, this was still taking too much time.
She punched the ground. It was something she always wanted to do. Hell, the great danger was less the ninjas then the part of her that just wanted to cut loose, to be the infinitely strong, infinitely powerful person she fantasised about - which was complicated by the fact that she actually was infinitely strong and powerful.
But with at least 500 ninjas, this should help with that.
The punch sent a giant shockwave through the garden, breaking most of the structures, creating a gigantic rift through the environment, a wave of devastation over the ground. The ninjas flew backward from the punch, flying through the air as if they had been hit by a bomb. Which they had, in effect. The ones nearest to the blast almost disintegrated into nothing, and nothing was there, just them.
And five more appeared.
There were now at least 2500 ninjas around her.
And they started to act funny.
There is a concept in video games called frame rate - the idea if too much is on the screen things start to take a hit - and the reality of, say...Call of Duty changes from smooth sense of the real, to a choppy mess.
The same thing was happening with her world.
They were moving slowly, if at all, appearing in blurry sync, giving a sense that they were copying motions of each other - they flickered in and out of existence, in and out of reality.....
And she noticed to her left a small crack in reality with something past it...
And ‘Mazing Girl pushed her way in.
There probably weren't too many layers left.
*****
She was in a large house. Actually, too large. She was clearly in a hall but everything was at least 10 feet tall. However, it was a hall...the concepts of the universe where ill-defined for space here, ill-defined for reality.
Then she had a sense perhaps of where she was. She was in a child’s home, a child’s space - she was looking up at the railings of a stairway going down into a children’s living room with pictures and shapes that a child would see. It wasn't her as a child. This was clearly a very large split-level home...almost Victorian. She grew up in a tract home bungalow but it was a childhood nevertheless. She looked around for a second and tried to get her bearings.
Then the voice...
"How long can you hide Jarmin? You are still pathetically trapped in your meaningless existence."
It was a loud male voice that had an outrageous accent. However, she wasn't quite sure of it. Well she shouldn't worry too much about races and stereotypes. That was today’s lesson.
Well, not really, but there she was.
She paused. And realized if someone was hiding she probably should make herself visible.
"Hi! HI!!" she shouted, and then waved her hands.
"What?" demanded the voice.
'You captured me in this reality. Tried to lock me in a cage, Attacked me with ninjas – um, what’s going on here?"
"INSOLENCT WESTERN SCUM!!!”
"I don't get that a lot," Sarah said, "But thanks for the compliments."
A door opened. And out came a small man. Wearing a...what looked to be stereotypical...well, Asian clothing (Jesus Christ). She sighed. She really couldn't narrow it down more then that. God she was just the worst person today.
She saw in the door a small boy, standing in the corner turning his head to the wall. He looked vaguely familiar. Well, no matter. Because a huge-10 foot tall Doberman Pincer also climbed out. They normally looked very friendly...but this one...snarled like a wolf
"It’s not your demon American - but it will do I think.”
"No," said Sarah.
She then punched it in its face and it disintegrated.
"What is going?" said Sarah.
Out of a door came The Flame, wearing her street clothes.
"it’s no use, shalk – you can't fight both of us at once. Your can create your mental prisons, but you still need to use your own mind. You can't keep so many inside at once. You were never that good a jailor."
"But you’re a weak nothing!" said Shalk "A little...”
"Well, she is the strongest woman I know," said The Flame. "can you destroy him?"
And Sarah leaned in and punched Shalk so hard that the entire mental universe she was in collapsed.
*****
Sarah woke up on the floor outside the waiting room. Her nose hurt. She had fallen funny. Still, she got up and walked into the room.
She saw that the receptionist, a nurse, and her gynaecologist where all waking up in various rooms of the clinics. As she came into the main observation room she saw The Flame doing the same. And next to her the one identified as Shalk was unconscious.
"shalk is an old foe. an enemy from my past. he tracked me down, I suppose. thanks for your help in dealing with him. he’s quite powerful."
Flame’s voice had changed from normal human, to...well, The Flame’s. Sarah hadn't noticed it inside the dream. She wondered which of them was real and which was fake. Still, she just looked very small and vulnerable in her normal clothing. She was so small. Close-up she looked to be maybe 30 - but still, she had the aura of a child, yet there was something haunted about her.
"He attacked at your gynaecologists," said Sarah, "That’s pretty fucked up."
"where we’re vulnerable and human," observed The Flame, "smart move. i would have done it. and no regrets either. It’s what I am. i take people like him and punish them. but I am no better. not really."
Sarah looked at Flame. " You know - I didn't see your private...hell, I guess. not really, but...you can... "
Flame looked forward. "The world requires me to stay there. To be The Flame that guards it. An eternal vigilance. It’s who I am. The price I bear."
Then Ms Cindy Kramer, their gynaecologist, came in. "so what the fuck just happened?"
The Flame smiled. and talked in a normal voice. "I think maybe there was a gas leak - this poor gentleman seems to have been effected more...maybe we should call him an ambulance."
"Who is he?" asked Cindy.
"I'm as much at a loss as you are, Dr. Kramer."
"Let’s all go see a doctor. I still feel loopy. It’s like someone talked in my head for the last 4 hours, all in Bhutanese. I mean...a doctor who isn't me. I mean...you know what I mean."
"Um...I feel fine, but I came for a yeast infection/"
"Go buy some Monistat, Douche. And remember: Proper hygiene. If you let stuff fester inside of you it tends to break out into really nasty stuff."
Oh...that was the lesson!!! That was the lesson.
Sarah walked out. She then looked for a second more at Flame. Her eyes met hers, for a second they were human. Then Sarah looked down at Shalk. And they were something else. She wondered if the flame would learn it.
But, ehh, she remembered from biology if you didn't let things fester inside your inestines wouldn't work and you would wither and die. So many be keeping the demons had value..and
She walked past the black receptionist and...
Oh, fuck...
Friday, August 30, 2013
Frequently Seen Bolders
This was boring.
One of the easily forgotten truths of LA (the nebulous city) was that it was gigantic. Between Santa Barbra at the northwest to say Carlsbad in the southeast was about 200 miles. There was a lot of empty space between them but still. It was bigger and more populated then, say, Ireland. It was less green but had even more Indian restaurants (which was saying something as the Irish really loved Indian food). But of the ethnic cuisine styles available in LA, it was like 4th or 5th most popular. Which tells you something of the massiveness of LA.
It was big. Mind boggling big. As you drove, every second you find a new valley, a new suburb, a new series of small mountains - that when you drove past was still kind of in LA. Okay, maybe not quite every second, but still more frequently then you would think.
But that kind of got boring after a while.
Sarah was sitting in a car which didn't help. She sat in a car often in her job, as she was driven to various sets, but thanks to the magic of technology she could do a fair amount of work. Now she was in her other job as ‘Mazing Girl (which she didn't like to think of as a job...when she had occasional bouts of unemployment she didn't list it as such). ‘Mazing Girl could do less stuff with a laptop - well she supposedly could keep up on FBI reports and track criminal movements and such - but well she didn't.
So instead she sat. In a car. Bored. She was riding with Jamey, the fantastic Knife Girl who was driving, and because was driving got to pick out music. In this case Shakira’s latest CD. You think you know someone, but then you realize their taste in music.
"I just like how she combines American and South American pop influences."
Sarah nodded. She didn't tell her how she had worked on one of Shakira’s music videos. She had watched it when it was done to see her work, and that was about her exposure to Shakira. Listening to, she supposed, her newest album (wow had so much time past?) she wasn't overly impressed with it.
Jamey bopped along to the music.
However, they were not driving for the thrill of driving. They had a mission! Or something like it. Knife Girl had suggested a training exercise in the desert to hone the skills of the superheros of Los Angeles.
Sarah had agreed.
Knighthawk, when he heard it was knife girls idea, politely declined (it was polite for him...a very well worded email).
Glider had wanted to come but he had a thing.
Eagleman didn't come either, claiming that if he ever left Eaglerock. evil might come in. He really did love that suburb, which Sarah made a point of avoiding. But God bless him.
No one could find The Flame. She came to them Indian style when she was needed. Or not needed. Or when people invoked Native American stereotypes that may or may not be offensive, it depends. (Note! The Flame wasn't actually Native American).
However, Lavender and Blizzard both had decided to come. Lavender, the ninja from north orange County, and Blizzard, who had the power to create giant jets of cold and for some reason dressed up as an orc. He once told her it made sense if you thought about it. Sarah tried not to.
They where all going to meet at Vasquez Rocks, a desert park in north LA county, which was taking forever to get to.
"Did you hear that that’s the influence of Tabio Niglas? He’s one of Venezuela’s leading musicians."
Sarah looked at Jamey. She considered her a very good friend, but she was not as versed of the subtleties of South American music. She wanted to say something but thought better of it. She was a very good friend and all.
Thankfully they had only one more time over the horizon to go.
******
They parked outside the parking lot - partially because they both had to change into their costumes and partially because there was an entrance charge.
Thankfully, no one was around and Sarah was able to slip into her ‘Mazing Girl costume and made a point not to look at Jamey’s really amazing abs. It gave her odd thoughts.
Okay, she tried not to look at Jamey’s abs. Really tried.
There had been a point where they were in a bar like six months ago, and if things had gone differently when the guys egged them on to kiss and that night had developed differently - Sarah had thought more then once on it.
However, as she realized her life may have involved more Shakira music perhaps it was for the best.
So shaking her head, and glad for her heterosexuality, they got ready.
The idea of the exercise was that Shakira - no wait a second - Lavender would hide in the rocks using her superior ninja skills and the other three of them would have to find her.
Sounded simple enough.
It was about half a mile to the entrance - Sarah picked up Jamey and ran to the entrance in a minute or so.
As they did Sarah looked up. The entire place was vaguely familiar.
Vasquez Rocks. Somehow or other, the name was familiar to her.
"Where have I seen this place before?"
"Ahem," said a voice behind her.
‘Mazing girl turned. To call him portly would be wrong. Wearing a 60s style star trek uniform would be correct. A very good uniform.
"This location was used in many TV Movies from the 50s to today. It’s primarily used in westerns but in many science fiction movies...including five episodes of Star Trek the original series, two episodes of Next Gen, and one episode of voyager. Also in the movie Star Trek 5. It has an alien quality to it which gives it a slightly otherworldly feel with the rock formations, but attaches it to a sense of the western and raw nature, which for shows such as star trek, was very important."
Sarah looked at the guy. For a half a second she was impressed that he knew it - sorry for his geekness - and then suddenly an over whelming shame. She should have known all that. Shame, and a tad of self loathing.
Shows like Star Trek were why she was in LA - she wouldn't do what she did except for it. The science fiction, yes, its universe - but the fact that they made a universe in part with a large pile of rocks and a lot smaller budget then she had to make a show that wasn't trying as hard. She should respect him.
She bowed her head. "Sorry sir."
"Wow," said another voice. "’Mazing Girl!"
And Sarah realized that the most powerful superhero in the state was apologizing to a guy in a Star Trek uniform.
She looked to see a very thin Asian man wearing a blue uniform of Spock. With the ears.
And then 15 more people in 'uniform' made themselves apparent.
Followed by five Klingons, what looked to be a Romulan couple...and a Tribble? No, but it looked to be the guy from the Tirrlbe episode.
The first guy spoke up.
"I'm leading a tour."
Just then, Jamey came up over a rise.
"Talked to the ranger - they didn't see Blizzard or Lavender. Lavender’s probably hiding herself, and Blizzard...hey what’s going on?
"Greetings, Earthlings", said the guy. "My name is Captian Decker."
"The Captain from the Armageddon factor," said ‘Mazing Girl. "Or his son from Star Trek: The Motion Picture.”
"Yes," said Decker. "What seems to be the problem?"
"Well, we’re supposed to have a group," said Jamey, "Doing a search and rescue training mission in the area, but one of our squad members isn't here yet."
"Oh oh," said a kid in just an adorable little uniform. "Can we help?"
Sarah expected his parents to say something but she beat em to the punch. "Sure can. You guys want to help?”
"We’re supposed to do this as a team" said Jamey.
"I've been doing this longer then you have," said Sarah. Actually, she was the only superhero in Los Angeles who she could say that to (if you didn't count Blizzard who was in OC, and thus kind of didn't count). "And in my experience, part of being a good superhero is knowing how to use the things and people around you. The rules said we were supposed to find lavender - there was nothing that said we couldn't use a team of Star Trek cos-players. Or a horse for a pitcher."
"Should we call the police?" one of the group sensibly asked. Obviously he had the worst costume of the bunch
"This is just a training exercise for fun, to get us at our super best."
Ouch, thought Sarah. Super best? And she was on a game. Ah well, recorder.
"We’ll set our phasers to stun," said fake Asian Spock.
"Or fun!" suggested a Klingon.
Everyone looked at him.
"It was a joke on SNL once," said the Klingon. "Shatner said it."
There was a pause.
"It was a quality show back then.”
Other pause.
"It still has its moments."
*********
Vasquez Rocks was, well...rocks. Lots of rocks. Really, it had a several huge piles of boulders and several square miles of smaller piles of rocks. It was quite picturesque even for Sarah, who usually didn't care too much for desert.
However, she had business. She and knife girl stayed together scanning the rock piles for signs of a Lavender - the group stayed behind them keeping pace when they weren't distracted (this is where "Kirk fought Actor Dan Tauge playing a Klingon in Fridays Children. Fun fact: Dan Tauge later co-stared with William Shatner on the short-lived series Barbary Coast) or stoped to take tricorder reading. Okay maybe they distracted her a little. However, it turned out the Klingons were also in the Civil Air Patrol and were experts at search and rescue.
"We should establish a large radius pattern," said the male Klingon
"That’s what Kahlass the Uncounqered would do."
Sarah smiled. She was having more fun then she should as she looked around the paths. Knife girl was taking this more seriously and seemed to be ignoring the Trekkers - but that somehow made it more fun. She was all serious, and looked at times she was still in South America, fighting battles in the jungle.
"Stay sharp: lots of places to hide, lots of places for hostiles. Ambush; It can be quicker then you can imagine."
Yeah, somehow having a close friend not having fun was itself kind of fun. Sarah wasn't what one would call sadistic - but yeah, it was fun.
"I should have got some water in the car," said the guy in the poorer quality Star Trek uniform.
"Don't you mean your transporter beam?" asked Sarah.
"No, my car," said the guy. "And the fact that the city’s superhero is having this conversation with me is not improving my sense of reassurance in my civic government,"
"Got a point," said Knife Girl. "I once saw her throw a car over a building. I think there was a reason for it. Don't know..."
Okay, downside to having a group here. Sarah really wanted to say 'Said the professional actress', but no...she didn't.
Instead she turned and spoke. "Star Trek is fiction, but it’s the best kind, to show us a world where we can be, where our potentials are met, to explore the universe and learn from it."
"Yeah," said Thomas. "Like around here. See that rock pile? That’s where Kirk and Spock, along with Sarek...and a mental construct of George Washington...fought Kahless"
"It was an illusion of Kahless," said the Klingon man. "From your puny Earth perspective.”
Sarah paused. Huh?
"But you have a point about Star Trek. I mean you can see the freeway if you squint, but this really is the best of what we have," observed a Romulan.
"So what episode was that?" asked Sarah.
"Savage Curtain," Thomas answered.
"You do this kind of stuff a lot?" Sarah inquired. "Like, lead tours?"
"Occasionally. Vasquez Rocks is the big feature of Trek tourism.”
Sarah walked towards him. She put his hand on his shoulder.
"Very Clever."
"Yes" said lady Spock. "But you shouldn't have turned your head away from the main group.”
Sarah turned her head again.
All of the Star Trek personnel had drawn large Asian swords. Asian Spock had put her blade (and it was a girl) to knife girls throat.
She should have suspected. Star Trek cosplay ninjas.
***
It wasn't as if the Trekkers suddenly appeared in ninja outfits, but their expressions dramatically changed. They became hard – brutal; merciless. However, Sarah could see the fear which was her one ace she had left. Lavender was still wearing Spock ears as she put down her blade to walk towards her as two more ninjas replaced her on either side of her head. Knife Girl stood stock still, like a mannequin, afraid of movement.
"When facing an invulnerable foe, go for what’s vulnerable. Knife girl was wise to stay away from the group a bit, but she came in and...well. Her neck is vulnerable. And the art of infiltration is infiltration. Know your enemies weakness."
"She teaches a class at the YMCA on ninjitsu," said Tom. "It’s a lot of fun."
"I’m very active with the church," said Lavender. "And occasionally as a hero you need a small group who can pretend to be Trekies, if you ask them nicely."
"You did a good job. But it was Abraham Lincoln, not Washington who was the mental construct in Savage Curtain.
"Impressive," said the guy in the bad costume. "Yeah, I noticed that, and was worried that would give the game away."
"Well. I would give my men the simulated order to kill Knife Girl - that is unless you surrender and give victory to me. I forget how scoring works."
"I don't think we worked out scoring."
"Well, you know. Say ‘uncle’."
Sarah paused. She considered. She wondered for a second if those were real swords - if they were, then doing something stupid would be incredibly dangerous. But if they weren't... But then Sarah realized that she had to consider they were. If Knife Girl, or anyone else, was in this situation then giving up would be the sensible option. She couldn't endanger a life like this. She had lost. It was over. There was no more hope...
When a giant blast of cold flew over the rocks with a mighty "DRAW AGRO!!!!!!!"
The ninjas were startled by the blast and scattered - and Knife Girl took the opportunity to duck under the blade and swiftly kick the ninjas with swords down around her. Sarah, however, just turned and saw her savoir, her rescuer: Blizzard, standing in the sunlight with steam blowing from his wrist cannons. He was dressed as, and wearing a mask that made him look like, an orc from World of Warcraft (complete with horns), and a big damm hero.
"Lets DPS."
Okay, she swooned.
Sarah turned and punched a Trekie...or a thug...or a ninja. Well, she punched a Romulan and that was something ‘Mazing Girl hadn't done before. The ninjas were grouping up as Blizzard started to shoot the cold canisters out of his wrists guns, taking cover behind a rock as the ninjas pulled out their phasers - which she saw were clever containers for throwing stars. Knife Girl had found a rock for cover as well, and lavender was going after her - no doubt to engage in some epic martial arts fight. Which Sarah could watch, or she could be useful and deal with the ninja trekies. It was a shame when she had to miss the epic ninja battle, but well. two large very ferocious Klingons were coming at her with real batelah, God bless them, and she had to fight them Trekie style. In the middle of Vasquez rocks.
Okay, yeah: Sarah could have had a nerd-gasm
But Sarah turned to tom...he had a sword. He looked nervous though. Sarah usually didn't have compunctions about beating up thugs - but this was a training exercise and...
He slashed the sword across her shoulder.
It shattered.
It was weird with swords and her. Because of how her body was setup, cutting weapons were the least effect weapon imaginable against her. Ahh, well. Life.
Sarah picked up Tom and tossed him into the Klingon’s knees. They all fell over.
Blizzard, she abstractly knew, was an act. That underneath his weird lines was a fairly smart tactical mind. He did the weird-nerd-barbarian act to frighten people. In a serious world, the silly could be outright terrifying. Just ask the Joker...as played by Cesar Romero. Humans are so bottled up, so tied in that we become frightened if someone unleashes the color underneath the grey world. However, Sarah felt very secure with herself right now - and wanted to let her inner-geek flag. "So does anyone have a primitive gun made of metal and gunpowder?"
There was silence as the ninjas sought cover from Blizzards continued assault.
"Oh no, there’s a forcefield preventing me from directly effecting you," said Sarah.
"Will you fucking stop with the Star Trek jokes?" demanded Knife Girl.
"Yeah," agreed Lavender.
"Keep em up!!" said blizzard "There like buffs to me."
A ninja star hit blizzard’s cannon arm...it exploded.
"He’s a bull in a fucking china shop," said Lavender, going back to do a sword versus two knife battle against Knife Girl. "I have to deal with him on a daily basis.”
Lavender smiled, after a second, at Blizzard though. "Ahh, you’re a great guy."
As a ninja army ran out of their canyon and moved to attack him.
The mighty orc roared, and pulled out a battleaxe.
Sarah smiled - but turned to watch Lavender knock Knife Girl off the rock pile.
Sarah ran at super speed and caught her. She caught her in mid air. However, as she did, knife Girl looked up at Sarah and smiled. And she looked back. And they both laughed. They both laughed loudly. Star trek ninjas...
Sarah felt close to someone, a connection to someone, and realized that leaning in to kiss her would be phenomenally bad idea. Just incredibly terrible - on a number of levels. Knife Girl was almost married. Both of them were straight. But the sense of sharing something with someone did fill her with the desire. Less for any sex but the idea of love. But she shook her head and kept it platonic.
Thank you heterosexuality.
Sarah then turned her head to see Lavender fly at her screaming with a ninja blade aimed towards the back of Knife Girl’s head.
Sarah turned, put Knife Girl, down and set up a might drop kick at Lavenders head.
And missed by a couple of inches.
However, Lavender landed on the ground and sold it anyway.
"Oh! You got me!" said Lavender. "You win"
"What the hell is going on here?" a voice demanded.
Everyone stoped what they were doing and looked up.
It was a park ranger.
"We were doing a training exercise," said Knife Girl.
"Were you shooting a...”
"An experimental liquid nitrogen gun," said Blizzard.
"This is a national historic monument!" declared the ranger. "Show some respect!!!”
"We’re sorry," apologies Knife Girl.
"Sorry isn't going to make things better.”
"Hey! Look behind you!" said Thomas, "It’s a gorn!"
"What?" the park ranger turned to see.
Sarah grabbed knife girl and jumped away. The ninjas all somehow vanished into the rocks.
The ranger turned back. "What?"
Blizzard stood silently.
"Um...I think I’m going to log off from this instance.
And started to run away fast.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Magruff the Crime Dog to the Rescue!!
Tales of an ‘Mazing Girl: Magruff the Crime Dog to the Rescue!!
"So...crime-awareness event," said Sarah.
"’Couple of hours, say a few words, go on local news. The Mayor’s there, lt. Governor, it’ll be good publicity. Plus, you
know, lots of kids and you can tell them about stuff," said the voice on the phone.
She was sitting by herself in an unused greenroom of the studio they were shooting in. The voice on the other end, belonged
to Gregory Larson, who was her attorney and spokesperson. She had saved him, very early on in her career, from a car fire,
since then he offered his services pro bono. He liaised with the Mayors office, and a little bit with the press. She called
him every couple of weeks.
He was a nice guy as most lawyers actually are, and he had her interests at heart - though he got good publicity out of this
as well. She needed someone like him, and he was smart, tough when had to be, and looked absolutely nothing like her at all.
She didn't want to hire Peter Parker to do this and get people confused.
"So...Saturday the 12th...10am...I guess I know the deal. Want me to make a big entrance?”
"You want to," said Larson.
Sarah nodded. She liked big entrances.
"Since this is how to spot crime, the office has a script they want you to follow. You know, ‘be cautious’, a 10 point plan
what to do if your in danger. This is aimed at the kiddies so they probably know what they’re doing. I'll email you what they
gave me, you can email me back any changes and I'll give it back. We can massage a speech."
Sarah didn't like giving prepared speeches. This was particularly true with politicians who liked to be seen next to her to
get their photo-ops. Politicians love photos. She had been in the Mayor’s office and there was a giant wall in his giant
office full of photos of him with presidents, senators...and yes...’Mazing Girl.
Well what can you do? She was in LA, endorsing a Democrat wasn't going to change anything anywhere, so why bother.
But you know it sounded like a good cause, and kids did look up to her.
"Ill do it," said Sarah.
****
"Don't hurt me," begged the thug in her hand, her right hand, suspended easily a foot above the ground
She was at the docks. It was one of those classic comicbook locations you don't really see much. Except it wasn't just any
dock. It was Marina Del Ray, one of the world’s largest small-berth marinas. Big boats shipped big things. Small boats, like
yachts and cruisers shipped small things...like heroin. This place was less giant tramp steamers and more sailboats to drink
boat-drinks in.
And she wasn't actually sure he could be classified as a thug. He looked more like a college kid in over his head. But she
tended to classify most people she fought as thugs.
"Where do you plan to take this crap?" inquired a voice behind her. Nighthawk. His dead eye mask unleashed a fearsome visage.
Sarah shook her head. She was not, as a general principal, a person who followed a drug trail from source to the street.
Nighthawk was. Still, she didn't want to step in on his turf. She instead turned the thugs body towards him.
"Tell us. You know how strong she is, and I bet you want to keep your limbs."
Sarah sighed. She was also not a ‘threaten deadly violence’ type of hero. Nighthawk, as well she knew, wasn't a killer. But
he liked to give the impression that he was.
"No, no!" cried the ‘thug’.
"‘Mazing, can you put a little pressure on his right arm?"
Sarah grabbed it. She pulled lightly on it. She don't want to actually hurt him. She didn't want to...
"Let’s just take him into the police. They got a ton of evidence here...I mean this boat is full of drugs," Sarah suggested.
Nighthawk sighed. He broke character, just a tad, in exasperation.
"She’s a good person. Doesn't want to hurt a thug like you.” Nighthawk turned to Sarah. "Can you leave us, good mask, crazy
mask."
Sarah paused. No she didn't want to leave him.
"See you at the harbourmaster."
And then she jumped, still holding her quarry, into the sky.
The cops at the harbormaster station took him in, with only a few questions (she didn't know the exact slip he was hanging
about, but gave good directions, and pointed out the color).
She didn't go back as she expected Nighthawk to be there. But as she landed at a small park, she saw him. How he got there -
how he got anywhere - she didn't know.
"What kind of shit was that?" he demanded.
"I'm here to help people, not beat-up college kids."
"You have such potential up there - but you can't see it down here. To fight fear you need to be fear," he scoured.
"To create hope you need to be hope."
That was one of her better lines. She added it to give in her speech. Then it clicked.
"I am giving a speech next week on crime-awareness in the city. Maybe you should give it. You know so, so much about crime
and all that."
Nighthawk scowled "I don't face the public. I would loose my menace."
"And your not a lot without menace," observed ‘Mazing. She was feeling pretty good about herself.
"You’re a mix of ego and failure," he shot back. When ‘Mazing girl turned to retort he wasn't there.
Well, he got the last word in, not that bad.
Which is why ‘Mazing was glad she hadn't told him that the thug had in fact told her his buyer’s location in mid air.
********
"I like that line," said Janey "Yo create hope you need to be hope."
Sarah was at dinner with Janey - Knife Girl. They were at an olive garden after work (Janey had gotten an office job
recently, for between gigs).
She was good at agreeing to things. This often involved consuming liquor, but since both where driving they didn't today. She
was missing dinner with her fiancé. Sarah and Janey’s fiancé, for various reasons (mainly to keep her secret identity), had
never met, which was a shame.
Janey was pawing at a salad. The dinner of people with abs. Sarah was eating pasta. The dinner of people who didn't worry.
"I wish you could do it," said Sarah "You’re good at talking.”
"What? Teach them about knife safety," said Janey.
Actually she had done a PSA about knife safety just a year ago. Knife Girl did do a little bit of public stuff, but there was
a kind of implied contractbetween her and society. they feared Knife Girl, they accepted Janey, and they loved Sarah. It was
unfair, but what could you do.
"I wouldn't want to be the opening act anyway," said Janey.
Sarah felt guilty now. She often felt guilty. She had won the superpower lottery, and the public opinion lottery, yet she
didn't really appreciate it as much as she should.
But she knew Janey, who before becoming an actress had been a former mercenary. For someone who played a teenager on TV, she
had spent a lot of her actual youth doing things in South America that American teenagers could never handle. She knew that
Janey had, as was observed in a really corny line in the Avengers movie, a large amount of blood on her hands and was trying
to pay it off. Janey would never use lines like that but there you go. No sane human being would use a line like that. But
Janey was living a clean life in Cerritos, had a house and a guy she loved, and a job she liked...and a passion for fighting
crime. No, she was okay, and she accepted that.
Still, they occasionally did irresponsible things.
But tonight they just ate pasta. Sarah ate maybe two bowls.
********
Sarah stood on top of a small apartment building and looked over the location of the warehouse. Actually it was a suburban
garage in Palms. It looked well...like most other suburban garages. That was the occasional problem with a lot of crime in
LA: it didn't look as you wanted it to.
She was trying to scout this one. She had thought about asking Knife Girl along to salt the wounds of the jerk Nighthawk, but
figured she should handle this her way. Do it ‘Mazing style, just to show them...after all, Knife Girl, despite their
friendship, did use the knives a lot.
What mazing style ment she was a little vauge on. But certainly less knives.
Sarah shook her head. She was above that. She would attack the operation in broad daylight and see what she could find.
Really, she should get a warrant. Yes actually, she would call Larson setup a sting and catch them in he act, the villains.
That was the ‘Mazing thing to do. ‘Be hope’.
When she felt a presence on her shoulder.
"there isn't anything in there worth bothering about," said the voice.
She turned to see out of mist that came from nowhere walked the figure of The Flame. "i’ve checked this lead for the last five months. the cops have been here twice. whenever there’s a delivery he moves it within 20 minutes. worried about the cops, worried about his suppliers coming back, the man is clever i'll grant him."
Sarah sighed.
"it’s crime. it’s just catching him in the act. in all men’s souls there is a beast, a darkness. Most of the time they wear masks of virtue... but its just a mask. even the foulest creature can tip his hat to you in the street."
"Most people don't wear hats and don't tip them."
The flame shook her head. But maybe, just maybe, there was a laughing smile...no. "the darkness. our failing is we can only really strike in the split second they let it out let out, their monster."
"By becoming one," said Sarah.
Flame put a hand on her shoulder. It wasn't cold. It was surprisingly warm. And surprisingly tender.
"we can't all be monsters. we need hope. I heard you where giving a speech on crime-awareness."
Sarah nodded.
"i’ll bet if you do a fine job, and make kids just a little bit more wary of strangers and candy and drugs, that will do more good then you or I will do a year. yes there is hope, and sometimes we need a person who is hope."
Flame talked to the police on occasion, the press even. But she would never....
"i would like to come to this speech. It’s on saturday in griffith park?"
"I am not sure they would..."
"just to hear it" said Flame, "to see the children happy, and glad to see their hero, giggling."
Sarah looked up at Flame and smiled. She had misjudged her. She put her hand on Flames, and squeezed gently.
"Then I am glad."
Flame let go and walked away.
"I suspect there’s a shipment on Sunday at 3:00. I can let you have the glory of bringing the gentleman in. As for myself...I care not."
Gee...she was nice today. And she didn't even have a heart.
****
Sarah gave the speech on Saturday. It was tremendously patronizing and stupid. But she gave it with all her heart,
outlining 10 ways people could be more aware, even the youngest. She was glad to do, even glad to pose for pictures with
the Mayor who she privately thought was kind of a dick. Also hundreds of kids to.
She looked in the crowd but couldn't find Flame. But that was okay.
She tried to be hope, to make hope. That’s all she could do.
As did she realized each of them in their own way did the same. Her agent, the Mayor, the heroes, all of them.
Even though Nighthawk was a pretty big jerk. .
Despite herself though, when she got home she looked up Batman/Superman slash fiction. It was strangely arousing.
The End...
"So...crime-awareness event," said Sarah.
"’Couple of hours, say a few words, go on local news. The Mayor’s there, lt. Governor, it’ll be good publicity. Plus, you
know, lots of kids and you can tell them about stuff," said the voice on the phone.
She was sitting by herself in an unused greenroom of the studio they were shooting in. The voice on the other end, belonged
to Gregory Larson, who was her attorney and spokesperson. She had saved him, very early on in her career, from a car fire,
since then he offered his services pro bono. He liaised with the Mayors office, and a little bit with the press. She called
him every couple of weeks.
He was a nice guy as most lawyers actually are, and he had her interests at heart - though he got good publicity out of this
as well. She needed someone like him, and he was smart, tough when had to be, and looked absolutely nothing like her at all.
She didn't want to hire Peter Parker to do this and get people confused.
"So...Saturday the 12th...10am...I guess I know the deal. Want me to make a big entrance?”
"You want to," said Larson.
Sarah nodded. She liked big entrances.
"Since this is how to spot crime, the office has a script they want you to follow. You know, ‘be cautious’, a 10 point plan
what to do if your in danger. This is aimed at the kiddies so they probably know what they’re doing. I'll email you what they
gave me, you can email me back any changes and I'll give it back. We can massage a speech."
Sarah didn't like giving prepared speeches. This was particularly true with politicians who liked to be seen next to her to
get their photo-ops. Politicians love photos. She had been in the Mayor’s office and there was a giant wall in his giant
office full of photos of him with presidents, senators...and yes...’Mazing Girl.
Well what can you do? She was in LA, endorsing a Democrat wasn't going to change anything anywhere, so why bother.
But you know it sounded like a good cause, and kids did look up to her.
"Ill do it," said Sarah.
****
"Don't hurt me," begged the thug in her hand, her right hand, suspended easily a foot above the ground
She was at the docks. It was one of those classic comicbook locations you don't really see much. Except it wasn't just any
dock. It was Marina Del Ray, one of the world’s largest small-berth marinas. Big boats shipped big things. Small boats, like
yachts and cruisers shipped small things...like heroin. This place was less giant tramp steamers and more sailboats to drink
boat-drinks in.
And she wasn't actually sure he could be classified as a thug. He looked more like a college kid in over his head. But she
tended to classify most people she fought as thugs.
"Where do you plan to take this crap?" inquired a voice behind her. Nighthawk. His dead eye mask unleashed a fearsome visage.
Sarah shook her head. She was not, as a general principal, a person who followed a drug trail from source to the street.
Nighthawk was. Still, she didn't want to step in on his turf. She instead turned the thugs body towards him.
"Tell us. You know how strong she is, and I bet you want to keep your limbs."
Sarah sighed. She was also not a ‘threaten deadly violence’ type of hero. Nighthawk, as well she knew, wasn't a killer. But
he liked to give the impression that he was.
"No, no!" cried the ‘thug’.
"‘Mazing, can you put a little pressure on his right arm?"
Sarah grabbed it. She pulled lightly on it. She don't want to actually hurt him. She didn't want to...
"Let’s just take him into the police. They got a ton of evidence here...I mean this boat is full of drugs," Sarah suggested.
Nighthawk sighed. He broke character, just a tad, in exasperation.
"She’s a good person. Doesn't want to hurt a thug like you.” Nighthawk turned to Sarah. "Can you leave us, good mask, crazy
mask."
Sarah paused. No she didn't want to leave him.
"See you at the harbourmaster."
And then she jumped, still holding her quarry, into the sky.
The cops at the harbormaster station took him in, with only a few questions (she didn't know the exact slip he was hanging
about, but gave good directions, and pointed out the color).
She didn't go back as she expected Nighthawk to be there. But as she landed at a small park, she saw him. How he got there -
how he got anywhere - she didn't know.
"What kind of shit was that?" he demanded.
"I'm here to help people, not beat-up college kids."
"You have such potential up there - but you can't see it down here. To fight fear you need to be fear," he scoured.
"To create hope you need to be hope."
That was one of her better lines. She added it to give in her speech. Then it clicked.
"I am giving a speech next week on crime-awareness in the city. Maybe you should give it. You know so, so much about crime
and all that."
Nighthawk scowled "I don't face the public. I would loose my menace."
"And your not a lot without menace," observed ‘Mazing. She was feeling pretty good about herself.
"You’re a mix of ego and failure," he shot back. When ‘Mazing girl turned to retort he wasn't there.
Well, he got the last word in, not that bad.
Which is why ‘Mazing was glad she hadn't told him that the thug had in fact told her his buyer’s location in mid air.
********
"I like that line," said Janey "Yo create hope you need to be hope."
Sarah was at dinner with Janey - Knife Girl. They were at an olive garden after work (Janey had gotten an office job
recently, for between gigs).
She was good at agreeing to things. This often involved consuming liquor, but since both where driving they didn't today. She
was missing dinner with her fiancé. Sarah and Janey’s fiancé, for various reasons (mainly to keep her secret identity), had
never met, which was a shame.
Janey was pawing at a salad. The dinner of people with abs. Sarah was eating pasta. The dinner of people who didn't worry.
"I wish you could do it," said Sarah "You’re good at talking.”
"What? Teach them about knife safety," said Janey.
Actually she had done a PSA about knife safety just a year ago. Knife Girl did do a little bit of public stuff, but there was
a kind of implied contractbetween her and society. they feared Knife Girl, they accepted Janey, and they loved Sarah. It was
unfair, but what could you do.
"I wouldn't want to be the opening act anyway," said Janey.
Sarah felt guilty now. She often felt guilty. She had won the superpower lottery, and the public opinion lottery, yet she
didn't really appreciate it as much as she should.
But she knew Janey, who before becoming an actress had been a former mercenary. For someone who played a teenager on TV, she
had spent a lot of her actual youth doing things in South America that American teenagers could never handle. She knew that
Janey had, as was observed in a really corny line in the Avengers movie, a large amount of blood on her hands and was trying
to pay it off. Janey would never use lines like that but there you go. No sane human being would use a line like that. But
Janey was living a clean life in Cerritos, had a house and a guy she loved, and a job she liked...and a passion for fighting
crime. No, she was okay, and she accepted that.
Still, they occasionally did irresponsible things.
But tonight they just ate pasta. Sarah ate maybe two bowls.
********
Sarah stood on top of a small apartment building and looked over the location of the warehouse. Actually it was a suburban
garage in Palms. It looked well...like most other suburban garages. That was the occasional problem with a lot of crime in
LA: it didn't look as you wanted it to.
She was trying to scout this one. She had thought about asking Knife Girl along to salt the wounds of the jerk Nighthawk, but
figured she should handle this her way. Do it ‘Mazing style, just to show them...after all, Knife Girl, despite their
friendship, did use the knives a lot.
What mazing style ment she was a little vauge on. But certainly less knives.
Sarah shook her head. She was above that. She would attack the operation in broad daylight and see what she could find.
Really, she should get a warrant. Yes actually, she would call Larson setup a sting and catch them in he act, the villains.
That was the ‘Mazing thing to do. ‘Be hope’.
When she felt a presence on her shoulder.
"there isn't anything in there worth bothering about," said the voice.
She turned to see out of mist that came from nowhere walked the figure of The Flame. "i’ve checked this lead for the last five months. the cops have been here twice. whenever there’s a delivery he moves it within 20 minutes. worried about the cops, worried about his suppliers coming back, the man is clever i'll grant him."
Sarah sighed.
"it’s crime. it’s just catching him in the act. in all men’s souls there is a beast, a darkness. Most of the time they wear masks of virtue... but its just a mask. even the foulest creature can tip his hat to you in the street."
"Most people don't wear hats and don't tip them."
The flame shook her head. But maybe, just maybe, there was a laughing smile...no. "the darkness. our failing is we can only really strike in the split second they let it out let out, their monster."
"By becoming one," said Sarah.
Flame put a hand on her shoulder. It wasn't cold. It was surprisingly warm. And surprisingly tender.
"we can't all be monsters. we need hope. I heard you where giving a speech on crime-awareness."
Sarah nodded.
"i’ll bet if you do a fine job, and make kids just a little bit more wary of strangers and candy and drugs, that will do more good then you or I will do a year. yes there is hope, and sometimes we need a person who is hope."
Flame talked to the police on occasion, the press even. But she would never....
"i would like to come to this speech. It’s on saturday in griffith park?"
"I am not sure they would..."
"just to hear it" said Flame, "to see the children happy, and glad to see their hero, giggling."
Sarah looked up at Flame and smiled. She had misjudged her. She put her hand on Flames, and squeezed gently.
"Then I am glad."
Flame let go and walked away.
"I suspect there’s a shipment on Sunday at 3:00. I can let you have the glory of bringing the gentleman in. As for myself...I care not."
Gee...she was nice today. And she didn't even have a heart.
****
Sarah gave the speech on Saturday. It was tremendously patronizing and stupid. But she gave it with all her heart,
outlining 10 ways people could be more aware, even the youngest. She was glad to do, even glad to pose for pictures with
the Mayor who she privately thought was kind of a dick. Also hundreds of kids to.
She looked in the crowd but couldn't find Flame. But that was okay.
She tried to be hope, to make hope. That’s all she could do.
As did she realized each of them in their own way did the same. Her agent, the Mayor, the heroes, all of them.
Even though Nighthawk was a pretty big jerk. .
Despite herself though, when she got home she looked up Batman/Superman slash fiction. It was strangely arousing.
The End...
Friday, August 23, 2013
Vs. Lex Luthor
"Seventh District" was filmed in a soundstage in Koreatown that was the mainly off street. You wouldn't notice it if you didn't know it was there. It didn't have any signs, no outward descript. It was kind of like Shield headquarters in the old comics, if Shield headquarters was in a shifty neighborhood in an old building with lots of movie trucks parked in the back.
It was also, depending on the time of day she was to be on set, about an hour from her condo in El Segundo. But she liked living on the beach. Okay, her place was actually about a mile from the beach. And that mile had a large patch of land that was owned by an oil company. And El Segundo, because of oil interests, a bluff, and LAX, had a pretty shitty beach. But still: There was a principal somewhere.
It was a Friday morning, she found herself in traffic on the 405 - thankfully she had planned for it time wise. She was listening to a podcast in which a comedian interviewed another comedian. Normally she got into it, but it turned very quickly, as they often did, into a ‘who you met on the way up’, and exhaustive lists of comedy clubs. At first she thought it was kind of interesting listening to interviews with comedians that weren't just telling jokes. Then she realized that they still had to be entertaining about it. Comedy world: a little chummy.
Ahh, well...she turned to terrestrial radio. That could be fun and Yelly.
However, as she turned to a radio station that promised to give her the world in 22 minutes, and trafic and weather on the fives (where she learned the traffic continued on the 10 freeway).
She heard: "We are just getting word of a series of what appears to be co-ordinated robberies on banks and jewellery stores have just taken place at five locations in Downtown, West Hollywood, and Irvine, this morning. No injuries have been reported, but groups of suspects have managed to rob..."
Sarah paused. The thought came to her head. MAZING GIRL TO THE RESCUE!!!
However, she was stuck in traffic. She could get off the freeway, but that would take, like, 10 minutes in this traffic...just to do that. And the robberies were reported in the past tense. And no one was injured. She shrugged. Her gut told her that, yeah, this probably was a problem, and that things were about her, but well...only so much she could do this exact minute.
She adjusted her ipod and found a podcast all about home winemaking that sounded like fun.
******
She followed the story for the rest of the day as she could while working mainly on building a canister of used deodorant that was a plot point in next weeks show. You couldn't just go to the store, and the script was fairly specific about it. A lot of design went into it - or was blatantly stolen from an AXE brand deodorant can she got.
But the robberies where all coordinated to go off at the same time, using near identical MO’s, before the stores were open - and it looked like they had managed to claim about 300k in jewellery and cash. In one case the police had reached the scene, but they had escaped. All of the robbers had good equipment seemed highly trained.
Ehhh...these kind of places were insured to one inch of their lives, so it wasn't too big a loss, and no one was hurt so Sarah first impulse was to kind of shrug it off. Her powers gave her a vague sense of when people were in trouble, and it hadn't gone off. So, all was well...
******
That night - well actually, around sunset – ‘Mazing Girl jumped over to a rooftop and observed one of the banks. It was a semi detached two-story structure in West Hollywood with large glass windows...it looked a lot like a fucking bank. It even appeared to be open, as if nothing was going on which probably made sense. If you’re not going to get any interest at your bank these days, good opening hours are a courtesy.
She watched it for few moments lost in thought. She turned her head and saw someone standing next to her.
"These little chats we have," said Knighthawk, "are they getting tiresome for you as well?”
"Look, I can't be in six places at once."
"Were you at the store?" asked Knighthawk.
"In traffic."
"Oh great," Knighthawk remarked. "When you first appeared some people told me, you know, ‘Maybe you should move. San Francisco could use your services...someplace else’. LA was in such good hands."
‘Mazing Girl shook her head. "Look...can't we just team up here? Pool our resources? Shit like that? Or are you just going to lecture me? You weren't there either."
Knighthawk sighed. "If I find something...I'll be in touch."
‘Mazing girl sighed. And she turned her head sideways. It looked like a glance away to see something on the street - but really it was to look away so he could disappear and the conversation would end. It was one of the good things about dealing with superheros. Goodbyes were crap sometimes in real life.
Sarah turned to go, walking across the rooftop...
And right into The flame.
"heard your conservation. don’t mean to pry."
Sarah looked down at the shorter heroine that continued to look like something Rob Zombie would put, for atmosphere, in one of his videos. An evil looking 12 year old that would burn your eyes out.
"Jesus," said Sarah.
"take this."
The little girl (or was she 30?) had something in her hand. It was strange because a second ago she swore she had nothing at all. Except, that is, except the night. But, yeah, that was being poetic. Flame wasn't holding anything earlier...
It was a grey manila folder. Sarah took it, and looked at it in the edge of darkness.
"Do you have like access to the FBI?" asked ‘Mazing Girl, "And the NSA?"
The Flame looked up and smiled. "Very little in this city happens that I do not know of, almost always before they do. But then they learn, and the slowly gather...like the limited small reptile minds they are."
Actually, “smiled” may have been the wrong word. It was accurate, but didn't convey the correct connotations. Sarah shook her head.
"in any case, the location and identity of the robbers is beyond obvious. and in a few days the authorities will figure out what they already know, poor devils, but they will know what they know...the robbers have infiltrated the fbi, which is also obvious...but probably not to the fbi. well, you can see the mess we’re in."
"No I can’t," said ‘Mazing. "I just glanced at a NSA letterhead."
And The Flame smiled.
"well, read the memo. this is the work of one man. a very dangerous man. don't know his real name. he’s rented an office downtown, under a corporation. he’s the key.”
"Do you want to team up and stop him?"
"he’s also rented a warehouse in southpark. like the robberies, you attack one; the other vanishes into the night. without it you couldn't convict him. without him it’s pointless."
Sarah nodded.
"you take him. several of his conversations suggest he’s obsessed with you, in some fashion. why not give him what he wants? and i am better, i suspect, with frightening large groups of men to doubt their sanity and their lives."
"You probably went to school for it," said ‘Mazing.
"i went to yale."
And Sarah laughed out loud.
"So where is this place?"
"again, in the memo. last page: conclusions."
"This must 50 pages long, he robbed the banks this morning, how quickly did you do this?"
The Flame turned and disappeared into the mist. "Let’s aim for 9:45? Don't enter the building before then."
Sarah smiled. Sometimes when she was with The Flame, she worried about her brain exploding. Sometimes she smiled. She turned and walked into Knighthawk.
"Um, I was going to tell you.”
Knighthawk laughed "I've been doing this for longer then you have, and will give you one piece of advice."
"Really. Just one?"
"She’s never quite on the level. There’s an angle you don't know about. She’s brilliant, but.... you do it. If what I heard was right, threes a crowd here. You do it."
"Your great for encouragement," said Sarah.
"I respect her. You..."
And Sarah turned her head again.
*********
The office turned out to be in the old gas company building, a gorgeous building built into a fountain - literally built in as a modernist glass expanse. She had driven buy it dozens of times in LA, but never been inside. It was one of the good parts of being a superhero. The Bradbury Building, the Parker Center - she had the excuse to break into a lot of nice buildings.
However, she decided not to break in. She went to her car and pulled out a trench coat from the trunk - it was one of her utility items. Wearing it she looked like a woman walking into an office at 9:45 PM wearing a baggy trench coat. That wasn't the least suspicious...
However...as she walked in, past a guard who seemed oblivious, it seemed to have worked. She entered into an elevator going up to the 9th floor...and fixed her mask back in place. She left her jacket on her shoulder...it would look cool dropping it off as she walked out the elevator.
Not cool for anyone in particular, but cool.
And as the elevator dinged and she walked out, the trench coat hit the floor. Yeah....she did look cool.
You know what I’m talking about.
She walked calmly down a hallway in a non-descript office building - and kicked open a door.
Inside was an empty secretaries office - I mean, literally empty. There wasn't a lick of furniture in it. Beyond it, Sarah saw an empty doorway to a room with a large glass window overlooking the city. A large wooden desk of beautiful construction, a cold concrete floor, two chairs, and a man in a suit.
A very nice suit with a very bald head.
"Good evening," He said. "I've been waiting for you."
"Oh?" queried ‘Mazing Girl. She hated when people said that. Now, it could have been a lie, but it was disturbing thing to hear.
"My name...is Lex Luthor"
Huh?
Lex Luthor. He was one of those comicbook characters who you think appeared fully formed from the outset, but not really. He fought superman in, like, the late 40s: first as a generic hairy foreign spy, then as a mad scientist; then as kind of bald power-mad fiend with body armor; then as a corporate executive; then pretending to be his own son; then as president; then a power-mad fiend in body armour... She thought that there was even a spot where Luthor became messiah or something. All of this stuff, it should be noted, Sarah remembered in like 5 seconds. Great use of her brain.
"You’re not Lex Luthor, its a fictional character created by.....
"Oooh! I have the same name as a fictional villain. Well...I am the real one and oooooooooooooooh! Like I care about a cease and desist letter. Ooooh! Copyright infringment...oooooooooh!! Civil lawsuit. I just robbed half a million dollars and plan to rob the Federal Reserve next week.....oooooooooooooooh, this is such a big issue."
"Well, you don't have to be a dick about it," ‘Mazing Girl told him.
"Well, I do get to be a dick about it, I am Lex fucking Luthor, I can do what the fuck I want."
‘Mazing Girl shrugged and covered her eyes. Other shoe...other shoe...
"Jigs up, can we make this simple? No? You’ve got a master plan. You got something really evil thing do," said ‘Mazing Girl. "And please note I don't normally describe people as evil, as that is rhetorically lazy, but the entire setup here, yahadaha yadahah."
"You talk a big game. But you know by now I am a genius. Every step was to bring you here. Right here. And once you’re gone I will loot Los Angeles clean and destroy your precious city...for money: yes. But mainly because you care about it."
"And? Next we have..?"
"Mazing girl...I have something very special for you. Something very special indeed."
He went into the desk with slow movements - as if he was daring her to stop him. But she stood still. He found a small container about the size of a snuffbox clearly made of metal and...
He opened it. Inside was a small shiny green rock in a bed of velvet.
"Kryptonite, my dear ‘Mazing Girl. Kryptonite!"
‘Mazing Girl paused. She looked at the stone.
Then stoped, and looked at it some more. Really? There had to be a trick here.
"Ahhhh..?"
"It took some doing," gloated Luthor. “But...."
"Kryptonite doesn't exist. It was created for the radio show because the actor who played superman wanted to take a vacation."
Wow...she knew a lot.
"It’s radioactive krypton."
"1. Krypton is a noble gas...which means it’s a gas at room temperature. 2. As a noble gas its variance shield is complete and by definition it can't be radioactive, as its particle mass is always neutral."
(Note: This wasn't actually true, but much of Sarah’s high school chemistry was obviously replaced with comic book trivia)
Sarah looked at the stone again. She tried to place it. Some type of jade - it was clearly a real rock but...
"Maybe this takes longer than in the comics," mused Luthor.
"All day I thought: ‘Ooh god!” I was scared of the criminal mastermind - but God! Kryptonite? Are you fucking serious? My weakness is not kryptonite. That’s just stupid...and made up. Yes, I kind of have the powers of superman, but not the silly shit."
Lex Luthor looked at his stone, and then at her.
"Maybe your just pretending.”
‘Mazing Girl picked up the stone. For a second, she thought about eating it. But thought that might have been a bad idea. Kryptonite poisoning would be a bad idea. Instead she crumbled it. It would have been nice to say into dust, but really it was just turned into very fine pebbles.
Lex paused. "So...."
"Do you want to be taken to jail out of the window, or through the door?" asked ‘Mazing Girl. “I'll leave it to you."
Mazing Girl grabbed him, lifting him up by the scruff of his suit in one hand. She didn't do this for very long, as it tended to rip things, but it was a cool visual.
"What is your weakness, by the way?” Lex asked.
"I can't stand pure salt water," offered Sarah "It’s like acid to me."
Lex paused...and was quiet the rest of the trip to the police station. He had the kind of pause that suggested his pop culture frame of reference wasn't good enough to be a real supervillain.
******
As it was, The Flame managed to capture 3 men and retrieve large quantities of jewelles, and money - as well as a bunch of bank robbing equipment. The rest of the robbers and money were in the mist - probably a good deal of them permanently.
Still, not a bad night. “Luthor” was in jail on 20 million dollars bond - still no real name, or was the poor bastard really a poor bastard? It gave her a moments pity for him.
Still...it had been a successful evening.
So, to celebrate the next day she went to the beach.
It was a good chance to wear that blue bathing suit she had bought about, oh...a year ago. It did, for whatever reason, make her arms look cool.
But the water was kind of cold. Sitting outdoors it the kind of weather where it didn't quite sunburn, but kind of did; and she didn't have a good book; and the meal made her loggy. And she was by herself so she couldn't throw Frisbees to anyone.
And worse yet was the thought in the back of her mind – there’s always an angle with The Flame...always a second layer. What was the purpose of what she did? Was something going to happen with her, something that rocked her to her very core?
Damm that Knighthawk.
Ahh... She went home after about an hour.
ELSEWHERE...
Deca sat in his... lair, that was the right word...and watched the video from inside Luthor’s office for the dozenth time. He had needed an emergency cash injection and the entire episode had pizzazz. He laughed.
"YOU ARE SO PREDICTABLE, FLAME, LEADING HER RIGHT....MY GOD IS THAT A REFERENCE TO ALIEN NATION?"
he paused.
"SO THAT’S YOUR SECRET ‘MAZING GIRL....YOUR A NERD!"
And he laughed some more. Laughing was free. The next part would cost a lot of money.
He especially guffawed when he saw the 25 bodies of the robbers he killed after today’s heist on the floor.
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