Tuesday, January 7, 2014
A Young Womans Guide to Warhammer 40k and Random Hookups.
Warhammer 40k, for those who are uninitiated is British game that combines element of classic wargaming in the Napoleonic style, mixed with Tolkienesque fantasy and the movie Aliens (also for some reason you can play a Terminator from the movie of the same name).
Many people think it's a lot of fun.
Sarah Jennings kind of agreed with them.
There were basically four parts to the game.
1. You had to buy the collectible figurines from Games Workshop (this was important - you couldn't ever ever use any figurines not from Games Workshop, or make your own).
2. Paint them, as they all came as kind of grey pewter mess. Paint them in exotic colors to make them really look great.
3. Play the actual game.
Sarah was a crafts person by profession, but still dabbled a bit as a hobby. She liked the second part a lot. There was a lot of fun to be had spending hours painting detailed little models of cool alien creatures, and Sarah found it enjoyable, as it wasn't amazingly exacting...but exacting enough for someone who worked in the movies. And well when you get thrown threw buildings your life doesn't have to be 24/7 adreneline.
However, to get a real game going, you needed about 30-50 pieces...which was a lot. Some of them where kind of big too. And kind of expensive.
To play the actual game, which was the point (well victory was the point), the actual game...ehh. It was fun but slow. Each turn took maybe 10-20 minutes, occasionally longer, and a game took about 3-4 hours, as it involved lots of measuring with constant referencing of rules and arguing about things. Warhammer may have been a lot of fun if it was a computer game. Actually it may have been a blast. But, for reasons probably involving the fact there'd be no expensive miniatures to buy, no one had ever made a warhammer computer game.
(Okay there was Starcraft, but that's another story)
So Sarah was left with her respectable-ish Tyranid army. The army idea was really really blatanly stolen from the movie Aliens. However, a kind of organised battle against aliens was a neat idea. As a superheroine there was something fun of playing an army of tentacled monsters overwhelming beleaguered foes.
"Urrgh," Sarah said as set them up. "Conquer...must destroy the evil humans with their feelings and emotions."
"Quit it," said John.
Sarah was at an event - where Warhammer games usually happened. Groups of about 15 guys setting up 8 matches into a mini tournament. The winner made 20 bucks. You would play a game, and then watch the rest and drink semi-heavily. This was all happening in a very large garage downtown, the type that you occasionally found in LA.
John was a friend of Sarah that she never saw outside of things like this. Actually, friend was perhaps a bit of a strong word. He was someone she knew.
Sarah was going to play against his army of Space Marines, who were an army of hulking seven foot musuclar men, the ultimate of human condition, with superpowered organs and vitals. They were also, if you looked carefully at the fiction, sterile and presumably impotent...something she found amusing
And so they were off. Sarah knew just enough about the game to dangerous. She knew the principals of the Tyrandis, which was rushing as fast as you could to some place the enemy was weak-in a kind 'zerg rush' (except not). Just enough...or perhaps not.
Becuse that was the trick of the game. You l dice and there was a fair amount of luck involved. And after about 4 turns, the Space Marines really whipped her ass.
"Die you space vermin! Die in the name of Emperor!!"
Well, there went that battle.
Out in the first round, Sarah could either bail or drink. She really should be patrolling, and fighting crime, but it was a kind of drabbish drizzly January night so she decided agianst it. Plus someone had bought a case of Heineken. She checked her phones. No major emergencies, and if one came up, well.
So she watched the second round. It was an Eldar Army (space elves) fighting an Ork army (spaces....well, orcs with weird spelling). She knew the Ork guy, Laurence, from college, and knew that for an army that had a reputation of being kind of a joke, if you used the right strategy and rolled well you could do some damage. He was, thought it was taking some time.
She sat next to a guy. He smiled at her. she looked at him some more.
He was hot. Well, hot in the kind of 'he's obviously a nerd, but still abstractly kind of hot' way. It was like someone wearing black at a goth club. Goth. Black outside...maybe not. Guy with a scraggly beard at a warhammer event. Nerd. But still abstractly hot.
The guy turned out to be named Rick. Rick Hastings. He had come to LA to work for Sony, with hopes of becoming an executive, and he was in the most abstract sense, in that sony had a lot of executives - he just didn't have an actual office. He smiled at her. She smiled at him.
They drank some beers and chatted.
Games take awhile.
By the third turn it was clear they where paying more attention to each other than the game. Then he smiled and they walked outside to get some air.
About three minutes later they were making out.
"You taste good," Rick told her.
"I salted and buttered myself before the event," said Sarah.
"I like a little butter," Rick confessed as he slapped her ass.
"Keep at it."
She turned towards him in the street and he slapped her some, agian and agian. This would be technically described as a spank.
He lifted up her sundress and rubbed her booty. Sarah giggled. Then her spanked it, watching the flesh of her posterior fly. It didn't really get red but if was fun.
"Oooh! Nice buttery ass..."
Sarah looked around. There was either an alley or something that looked like an alley...and maybe she'd had too much to drink, but she walked in.
He followed and she breathed. She turned and kissed him for a second. She then lifted up her skirt over her waist and turned around, placing her hands on the wall
"My my," whistled Rick. "Someones wearing a thong."
"For a time being," said Sarah...and the thong fell to her knees.
Rick dropped his pants. She didn't want to speak. That was part of the fun. This wasn't a foreplay kind of night. She heard him fumble.
"I got a condom...just a sec."
"Aren't you thoughtful," said Sarah. Yeah, she should have probably thought about it, but Heineken was a good drunk for her.
It took a minute as she waited. Her ass was getting cold. She twitched a bit
"Hurry!!!" She shook her booty impatiently side to side.
"Aren't you something," observed Rick.
And then she felt it. She couldn't tell how long it was but as something pushed agianst her pussy, it was something.
"Urg," said Sarah.
And then he began. He was moving fast agianst her semi dry-opening, but it was getting wetter with each thrust. His hands grabed her breasts roughly.
And this was going well.
She wanted this...needed it. She was a good superhero, and deserved an orgasm now and then. But Rick wasn't possessed of an amazing amount of stamina. Sarah concentrated, closing her eyes. Sarah had...the power is the wrong word, but the skill that she could speed herself a bit if she had good stimulation - which this was. She was getting very close herself...she could feel it.
Rick licked her neck. She giggled and opened her eyes for a second.
Only to see, further down the alley, a girl was being grabbed by another guy who was putting his hand over her mouth.
It was moments like this that showed who she was, what she really had in her life. Who she really was. She was a girl with a guy up inside of her, in an embarassing siutation, just about to cum...but...
She screamed. She screamed really really loud. Sarah just let out as big a screem as she could made as much noise as could possibly come...which for someone with slightly superpowered lungs was a lot.
Rick let go of her, pulling out.
The rapist, or mugger maybe, ran away from the girl taking flight as fast as he could, running off into the night as the women (who Sarah could clearly see was an African American in her 50s) collected her breath.
"What the fuck?" Rick demanded.
"I saw something," said Sarah.
"What the fuck," Rick looked around.
"It was nothing."
And she started to lean down immediately, and grabbed him in her mouth and started to suck him.
When about 5 people from the game came around the corner and into the alley.
"Hey! What happened?" John inquired.
There was a pause.
The group turned.
Sarah thought about chasing the mugger down but realised that she didn't get a great look at him, and it was a dark night. Not worthwhile odds for a crime that she couldn't really prove without the woman, which was...yeah, Sarah thought, just drop it.
Besides, she felt it very important that she should go back into the game like nothing had happened.
And so they both went. Rick had cum (at least after the audience left) in a second, and she was okay. He moved around the room, looking at guys with knowing looks and receiving a couple of high fives. Well, let him, she thought. She had the distinct impression that she would never see him again. A very distinct impression.
She watched the game. Terry won, taking out the last match agianst John. The silly, stupid, lovable Orks beat the big Space Marines. She assumed that much partying was involved, excpet for the facts that Orks, too, had no genitalia.
She did though. After a beer or so came a small sense of moroseness. She was feeling a little guilty about how she let her urges effect her. But how was that different from anyone? She could be 'Mazing Girl. have amazing adventures, and still drink, fuck, and play overpriced British wargames. She could still do all those things.
But she couldn't fall in love. That was the trick.