Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Well Riverside..



This was supposed to be a great comment in a young superhero's life. A crowning achievement, a moment of pride...of excitement!.


'Mazing girl was fighting her first evil clown.


But this was just very...disappointing. This wasn't the Joker. This was a guy who was wearing a very old, very ratty, clown costume. And he was very clearly on meth.


Well, "supposed to's" in real life...


Yet he had a gun - it was just was a .22, handgun which was no danger for 'Mazing Girl (she would probably not notice it if she got shot bellow the neck) - and several hostages. Kids. However, they were really ugly kids. These were the kind of grubby white-trash monsters who were dirty and kind of malformed. Two boys and a girl, all of whom just looked horrible. Sarah knew that she did not conform to Californian society's beauty norms, but there they had some unrealistic standards. They were in a store that could charitably be called a convenience store...if one were feeling very charitable.


Why did she come to Riverside? It was just hell.


But...and this was a big but...Sarah prided herself on caring about people even in bad situations, on wanting to help by using her powers for good - what ever that meant. Which, in this case, meant dealing with this guy before he shot people...without killing him, or hurting him too bad. Despite the fact that she really wanted to be home, maybe watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer (which had come up a little before her time but she had heard really good things about) or even watching Tru Calling, which she had heard mixed things about. Or Medium, which everyone she had ever met said was stupid.


Yes. She would rather be watching Medium. She would rather be watching a shitty Jennifer Love Hewitt vehicle than doing this.


But it mattered to the kids. And 'Mazing Girl was all for the children.


Which was a really stupid thing to say.


The generic evil clown (trademark-him, I guess) waved his gun around in a manner that suggested agitation. A less discerning, less experienced, superheroine would have said "Crazy", but that wasn't quite true. He was mean, pissed, and extremely agitated - "mad" would have been a good word, and she went with it. He wasn't taking any of her shit...or her logic. Okay...maybe crazy.


Riverside, for those who don't know, was...well, suburb was a little hard word, but city? That was kind in the LA metropolitan are. LA was like that. She had several times been told that Downtown Riverside was very nice. You frequently hear that: "Sure Fullerton is a hell-hole, but the downtown is really nice", or: "Culver city has a fun little downtown". This may very well be the case, but Sarah invariably found herself in the shit part of any given city.


She had come here an hour earlier. She had got the sense that there was a major accident about to happen - something big on the highway - and her inbuilt alert had been right. Something did happen. Four people had died. The thing about her power was that it didn't always factor in her ability to travel a 100 miles into things. She didn't feel particularly guilty about it, either - well not really. But she decided to spend the rest of the night giving some love to Riverside.


But love was not coming her way tonight. The guy was shaking and screaming.


"Fuck off, fucker! Fuck you"


Well, there went this evenings PG-13 rating. You could get away with two fucks in America - but not three. Sigh.


And she would have to deal with this quickly, too. She doubted this siutation could last three minutes...


"Just walk away," she suggested. "I am not going to chase you if you walk away."


"Fuck you. Fucker I'ma not going to fuck for that!"


A very sweary evil clown. Cesar Romero should be rolling in his grave. Think of the children...which she was all for.


Sarah raised her hands. "Okay!"


"I'm going to fucking kill them!"


Sarah walked slightly to the left, she adjusted her position to walk to the children. She walked right between them and not quite perfectly before the clown . She really hoped he forgot something important about her.


"Stay where you fucking..."


This was the moment to act, the moment to...


Just then a Mack truck broke through the side of the building.


Wow...this was like the Dark Knight.


Except the truck hit the clown, and smashed him dead in about 2 seconds.


Sarah jumped back instantly and shielded the kids with her body as best she could, and the truck hit her a half second later. Her back was hit considerably harder then a 22 bullet, but well...


What the fuck was happening?




"Get the fuck out of here, you fuckers!"


Some equally impolite people where talking to her in Riverside. Who knew?


She looked at the kids. They were okay.


Wait...why was an evil clown and three kids in a convenience store at 10:30 at night? This made no sense. Well, in her line of work causation was often hard to follow.


She turned and saw five guys with machine guns comming at her.


"Why are you fucking asshole?" demanded the leader.


"That's not a question," 'Mazing Girl pointed out.


"Why?" the leader insisted.


Yep. A word was missing there.


Sarah sighed. "Are you going to go after the kids?"


"Do we look like..."


Sarah stood up. Two seconds later the first man was down. She never knew his name - she never even got a great look at him - because she defeated him swiftly, slamming him to the ground.


It had been the man on the far right. That was intentional. The other four men all turned and started shooting - away from the children. That was important, no matter how ugly they were. She stood for a second, and felt the bullets pelt her. It felt better then the truck, which wasn't much but...well: Riverside.


She noted that her cape was in tatters, as was most of her costume. Yeah, this was hurting. She felt like a character in one of those modern ultra-realistic first person shooters: When they keep shooting you with machine gun fire you may want to think about getting out of the game.


She grabbed her now ruined cape with a hard grip and tossed it at a shooter - it covered his face. He lifted his gun. She moved forward and punched his face, grabbed the gun of one of his fellows and pulled it out, and kicked the guys in the shin...which was a surprisingly fun little move. It caused him to fly backwards upside down and complete a loop. Silly.




There were two more men left. One of them stopped shooting at her for some reason - not to give up, but his bullets stopped. She looked up and, for a half a second, processed. These looked to be meth cookers. They had the ragged cliche you see on popular TV shows. Fit the MO, say. She thought they were after her - well, they were on meth. There was logic there. Anyway, she gave him a quick punch to the stomach then an elbow to the head. No real problem so far.


That left the leader. He turned his gun back towards the children.


"I'll shoot!" he vowed.


"You just said..." Sarah complained.


"Do I fucking care?" the leader asked as he watched her.


But Sarah looked confused.


"Um...the kids aren't there anymore."


The leader turned. The kids, very sensibly, had run away. And as he came to grips with that, Sarah kicked him in the head with a well executed roundhouse. Yes, she did know Kung Fu. She had learned it at the mall in Tallahassee. A good investment.


Sarah sighed.


Cops: She would have to call the cops.


She looked over to the body of the evil clown - what a sad bastard he had been...how pathetic...


What!?! Like the Joker, his body was gone - it had just vanished, with nary a messy blood trail from where she had seen the guy appear to loose his entrails. What happened? Had a she met a new arch enemy that on every issue would bedevil her? Would he one day have a nine issue series in the 1970s that was poorly received? Would the actor who one day portrays him win a Best Supporting Actor Oscar?


Probably not. But, well...who knows.


Riverside...